Matters of the Heart VIII: Stress Test

Matters of the Heart VIII: Stress Test

Probably the best news I have heard in a long time came from the Cardiologist today, when he told me I did pretty good on the stress test, and that since I have not had any pain in my chest other than the random flutter that comes and goes with having AFIB that he will not need to see me for six months. 

The stress test didn’t go as I wanted.  It is not the speed of the waking but the incline.  My hips can’t seem to handle it.  First progress, I was on there and going strong.  I felt about as good as I can, walking on a treadmill with no shirt on, in front of an attractive women who just dry shaved my chest.  Not to self, just shave your own damn chest when you go to the cardiologist next time.  What I noticed first and for most is that as I moved on the treadmill my diastolic seemed to be going down instead of up.  Seeing how my goal is to get that number down I thought that was a good sign.  I have no evidence of this, but hey I’ll take as a when.  My heart rate remained relatively low during the test as well.  Systolic blood pressure was going up, but at a normal rate.  The 2^nd thing I noticed was my hot little Russian accented nurse was doing calf raises as I walked, I asked her about this and she said she didn’t want me to have to work out alone.  I couldn’t help but laugh. 

I took the first three stages like a champ.  Then when we went into stage 4 around the 6 minute mark, I started to fade.  Not because my BP went up.  It didn’t.   Not b/c I was out of breath because I was not.  It was because my hips, my freaking hips started to feel like they were going to pop out of socket.  The 3.5 mph is not a speed I can’t do.  I have done it many times.  However, the incline, just killed my hips.  So, at the 6:34 mark, I called it.    

I was fucking pissed when I called it too.  I wanted to get to 1o minutes.  I wanted to max out my heart rate.  I wanted to push and see just how far I could go.  My body was having none of it.  I was visibly angry when getting off the machine.  And while there is no pass or failing really of the test, I felt like I had failed big time.  I could go walk outside for 2 hours and I can’t stay on the treadmill for more than 6 minutes. 

What I learned from talking to the hot chick and the doctor afterwards is that since I didn’t reach my max heart rate quickly was a great thing.  While he can’t be 100% certain there is no blockage, it doesn’t appear that this any.  He feels very comfortable with that.  He said the test was good and he was pleased.  I think I already said that but I am so happy, that my heart is doing ok, that I think I will say it another 15 to 20 times.  The doctor did tell me there was an abnormal rhythm to my heart but b/c of the AFIB that was to be expected.  He talked to me about an invasive procedure to kick start my heart and tries to put it back to a normal rhythm. 

What he said was most important to me was to lose weight.  Spoiler Alert!  As if we didn’t know that was coming and if we didn’t know that is needed.  However, he was very calm and nice about it.  He said look your heart is strong.  It shows you can put it under a lot of stress and you need to do what you can to get the weight off.  He said I can push hard in the gym.  I can lift weights, do cardio, swim, and you know do it ;)  He told me to do anything and everything I can to get it off. 

I told him about the medicine and about the gym at work and she said use them.  Do it all.  Do paleo, do weight watchers, do whatever I can.  He said JUST DO IT! 

I have been thinking a lot about that this morning and into the early afternoon.  I have sort of lost my weigh.  I felt like last November 15 when I went paleo, I found my path.  I feel like when I started to take this medicine, I lost the path.  I have tried to eat low fat items, with fake sugars or sugars in them and for me it just don’t work.  I am a junky.  I want to eat more when I allow myself to have the sugar.  Again, nothing new here and I have to find my way.  With travels coming up for a week in November and a week in December, I have to find my way. I have to find a way to eat less and move more. 

I know it sounds really simple.  And it is easy to say JUST DO IT.  However if this was easy, I would have spent the last 20 years lean and not morbidly obese. 

I know I can do this.  I think it starts with getting back to basics.  I know what those are.  It starts with me stopping every night on the way out of the office at that thing called the GYM.  I mean there is no reason not to b/c I have to walk by it every day. 

The craziest thing though today is simply this.   I believe again, that I have the power to change.  That I make my own reality and I can accomplish anything I put my mind too. 

So, it is time to “Break the Machine, clean the machine, and rebuild the machine!”

“Break the Machine, clean the machine, and rebuild the machine!”

“Break the Machine, clean the machine, and rebuild the machine!”

I can do this.  I will do this and the best thing is I am not doing it for a pretty face, I am not doing it for the doctor, my folks, or family, I am doing it for me because I was to feel better.  I want more appointment like todays.  Appointments where I leave and know the world is mine.  Appointments I can feel good about and want to talk about!

and what i did....

I didn't know I was going to gym when I turned of my computer.  There is no excuse not to go. I have to walk, yes, walk right by it when I am heading out of the office. I mean I could but I would have to maneuver through HR and walk by all the conference rooms to get to the front desk, only to turn around and walk back to the exit.  However, I went.

I road the recumbent bike for 20 minutes.  Well really for 10 minutes, then stopped for 45 seconds.  Then got back on, and road for another 11.

It was painful from the get go.  My hip was not happy with me.  My feet hurt.  I was uncomfortable, I begged myself to stop.  Truthfully, I got off the bike twice during the first ten minutes to "Adjust" the feet straps.  But I sat back down and kept peddling.  It hurt.  I peddled and it got easier and easier.  But it was still hard.

I am scared about the walking test on Monday.  What if something else is wrong with my heart.  I do have family members that tickers got off track at the age for 40.  However, I guess going and finding out is probably the best thing.

the last few months have been hard.  shit happens.  However, I have a wonderful 40th.  Spent with good friends.  The next day when I got to work, I had a great lunch with co-worker, no friends, and it was good.  They gave me a killer gift too.  So although its been busy, things are looking up.  And I need to step up.

I have to remember who I want to be.  The person inside.  The one underneath.  The one who believes with all his heart, there is more to life than coming to the office, and hitting a drive through.  I know this b/c I have lived it.  I just have start fighting again.  I know I can do this.  I know I can.

What did I say.  “Break the Machine, clean the machine, and rebuild the machine!”  


Maybe it is time to start cleaning the machine again.  No, it is time.  I am eating less.  There is not doubt about that, but I am not eating quality food.  I am not gaining weight, but I am not really losing weight either.  A draw doesn't do me any good.  Not when i am paying what I pay for medication.

I have a dream.  I dream of a life medication free.  Diabetes free.  energy .  Love.  Laughter.

I dream of fitting in places.  I dream of doing things others don't want to do.  I dream.  All dreams lead to place “Break the Machine, clean the machine, and rebuild the machine!”   

Tonight was a win.  We are getting better but we have so far to go.  But we are still fighting. we have too.

“Break the Machine, clean the machine, and rebuild the machine!”  
 

what i should do

I should go ride the bike for 20 minutes.  I don’t want to ride the bike for 20 minutes, but I should go none the less.  I am only asking for 20 minutes.  You are 40 now.  Your time is running out.  You can’t live like you have been.  You have to get back on track.  Sure the medicine is helping, but eating sugar laden products is holding you back.  When was the last time you moved? Sunday?  You have a treadmill test on Monday and you are thinking about cancelling b/c you know how out of shape you have become.  You are not doing anything but waiting out traffic.  Work is done.  You’re done.  Go ride for 20 minutes.  Then fix your dinner and head south.  GO!  GO! GO! 

Billy b Looks At Forty

Yesterday I said good bye to my 30's and welcomed in my 40's.  I know it has been all of 13 hours, but to be honest, I don't really feel much different.  I am actually looking forward to my 40's. I think there going to be better than my 20's and 30's both.  I am planning on making it that way by getting back to my basics: eating well, walking, and doing a little swimming.  

I am not where I wanted to be a year ago.  A year ago today I swore I would be some where doing a triathlon on my 40th birthday and i didn't.  I came hobbling into my 40's instead of running.  However, to say I am not better than I was a year ago, wouldn't be true. 

I know I am better.  I am 30 pounds lighter.  That isn't nearly enough, but it is the first time since 2010 I can say I ended a year lighter than I started it.  So, we push on.  I am taking a medicine that makes me fill fuller and I am eating less.  I am eager and excited about the up coming year. 

I have not grand plan for my 40's.  I am not sure how I am going to get to my goals.  However, I know I will figure it out, b/c I always do.  I am not going to stress over it.  I am going to take  it day by day and relax.  i will figure it out. I am surrounded by some great people, and I know I will figure it out.  I will just keep pushing forward and doing what I got to do. 

The truth is I know what  I NEED to do to get to where I need to.  I need to eat better, relax more, and spend more time doing what I love. 

So, I welcome my 40's in and I ma ready for you.  Here is to a new decade and a fresh start!

A nice surpise...

 In today's world there are very few things that surprise by the time I get to my work space.  Normally, this b/c I am glued to my iphone from the time I park in the lot till the time I get to the water cooler, which has become my first stop every morning.   So when I walked into my space this a.m. and looked out the window and found a Happy Birthday banner hanging there I have to admit I was pretty surprised.  Not just b/c my Birthday isn't for another two days and I can hold onto my 30's a few days longer, but the fact someone in the office would take there time to do this for me.  Thanks Chrissy, I really appreciate the thoughts and sentiment.  I am so lucky to have you on my team!


However aft i got through the glare of the sun, I just got down right excited to see what was on the banner itself.  It was a Force Awakens Happy Birthday Sign.  And there is bad ass Tie Fighter, BB8, and Storm Trooper hanging from my ceiling as well. 

When it comes to Star Wars I really am more 4 than 40!  I do love it.  So.  But check it out

Kylo Ren:

Poe Dameron:

 Rey:

Finn too:

My Storm Trooper who looks like he got his ass whipped already

Tie Fighter and it is jet black, I think that is pretty BA

And BB-8 who looks like he might have gotten hit by blaster as well.

finally we have a picture of me, wearing my bday gift a ribbon welcoming me into the mysterious first out.   No to mention my BB-8 eraser, and Character Encyclopedia.  All great gifts!  I can only were the ribbon though. 

So i am very grateful for such a wonderful painter in crime in Deal Desk!

It has been a while since I have taken up the pen.  I won't lie, i just haven't been myself this month. I am not sure if it is new meds, a little depression creeping in, or just being exhausted from Q3 that took a ton out of me. My dreams and what i had to say just hasn't been a lot.

On doctors orders I had to pull out of the Star Wars Marathon.  Which is a real bummer and ever since then, I just don't want to walk or do anything physical.  However, I am starting to walk again. I will take it step by step. 


Everyday I feel a little bit better and the fog is lifting and that is goodness. 

Finally, since I didn't dress up today and everyone else did, I am back to wearing signs around my neck but at least I have gone from grumpy accountant to Deal Desk God and look I have an Angel praying to me... that is pretty awesome! =)

Well I am sure I will be back here soon...

Matters of the Gut II: Saxenda or at-a-enda?

18 days in a row I injected myself with Saxenda.  In that time, I lost 10 pounds.  Anyone can see that is good math.  Over the last 7 days I really started to see a difference.  Last week was arguably one of the hardest of my life.  I can't really go into it because not all of it is my tale to spin and I have to respect that.  I got it from all aspects of my life home, personal, professional, etc... However, not once last week did I use.  Not once last week did I over eat.  Food seemingly become what it should have always been to me a means to survive.  I worked out.  I walked.  I lost 6 pounds last week. I have to think a lot of that was due to the drug.  So, I can't even begin to tell you how upset I was when I found out my insurance would not cover Saxenda.  However I was even more disappointed when I found out that if I wanted to buy it myself it would be $1,200 per month.  Yes, to do a year of Saxenda without insurance would cost me $14K per year (A flexible spending account won't even cover that).  I tried to sign up for Saxenda discount card but it only works if your primary insurance will cover it.  When I called the insurance company it turns out they just don't cover weight loss drugs on my program.  So, I was total down when the doctor said go to your pharmacy and ask them if Qsymia would interact with any of your meds.  I was disappointed how quickly the doctor would just switch from one med to another. It was a bigger bummer when I talked to the pharmacist and she said as long as I am on my BP meds, I can't take Qsymia.  I am not sure there is any other alternatives for me medication wise.  Not only is my BP an issue but my issues with depression and anxiety also limit what drugs I can take.  There is an outside chance that coverage might achieved, my company is trying, so I am crossing my fingers, but I am not hopeful. 

So, inevitably the question becomes what is next?  I am a confused fatman to tell you the truth, because I don't know what is next.  As much as I wan to say eating slow and drinking water was super helpful to the cause, I don't think it was what really carried the day.  I have been working really hard to make my meals smaller and stick to 1800 calories, but I do think the tag team partner of the injections really helped with that.  I could always pay out of pocket.  I'd have to make some sacrifices, and change some 401K and ESPP contributions but maybe could afford it? It would be tough, but perhaps I could? 

I have been off the med for two days now.  I have controlled my eating.  I have continued to eat slow and drink a ton of water.  It seems to be helping.  I have not been as hungry. I am eating slow.  I ate dinner slower than both Rachel and David on national cheeseburger day Friday.  I was very proud of myself. 

So, there is hope. I wouldn't be the first person to be successful on a 1800 calorie a day diet.  I am still make better food choices. 

I am going to give it a try to do it on my own.  I am going to cross my fingers and hope the insurance company can help me out.  However, if I can't keep up then we will have to re-access our options.

Well off to make my smoked bacon quiche....at 200 calories per slice it has been a clutch way to start the day!

Billy BuffMAN

It only took a month in an half if you count in the times since I was supposed to start working out with Chrissy, and 9 months if you measure it from the time we started in the new office the GYM.  However, today I finally made it into the gym to work out.

So, I finally brought all my stuff in so we could get going on the weights and you know what after no working out for two year, I really, really like it! 

The routine goes something like this.   Five different movements, with a warm up, stretching, and a cool down.  

I started with 15 minutes on the stationary bike.  I used the recumbent so that I didn't knee myself into the gut.  I won't lie it killed my left inner thigh. I don't know what you call that muscle.  However, it was painful, but I think it was because I didn't have the seat set correctly or maybe because I am a pussy, who knows.  

Then we started to get my Buff on!

We did a little Tricep Curl action at 7 reps each:

 

Then we went into me standing looking like a jackass... no, I think this was when me moved over to Curls.

Ah, yes we did Dumb Bell Bicep Curls 7 on each side:

Then a little Dumb Bell row action, again 7 to a set:

Then I got my bench press on.  The Key was to twist the arms in and really feel it in my chest and I did.  Again doing 7 reps each.  Chrissy was nice enough to coach me through each rep and make sure my form was spot on. 

Then I declared that I was god of all weights and that I declared myself BuffMAN!  No, no, I didn't or well I probably did but, actually I did shoulder press, doing 7 to  set.  This was the hardest for me, I think my shoulder was tight from sleeping on it wrong.  However, I got her done. 

After each movement, I did it again, two more times.  It was fun and I liked it.

then it was time to stretch.  I hate stretching but I know my body needs it so, I did several stretches most are very similar to what I do when I am walking.

then it was back for 5 more minutes on the recumbent bike.

it was a great session.  Then I showered, and I don't know why this happens to me every time I work out at work but soon as I finished showering I started to sweat like a piggy and I had to sit down in front of a fan for a half hour.

Oh ya, I forgot I walked a mile this a.m.  I am definitely BuffMAN!  =-)  I am shiner sitting so we had a little go this a.m.

This week is already better than last. I hit my 1800 calorie total.  I ate one burger for dinner last night, but I ate really slow and I was really full afterwards and that felt good.

So, we are rocking and rolling and year 3 at the buddy system is looking up already!!!!