and what i did....

I didn't know I was going to gym when I turned of my computer.  There is no excuse not to go. I have to walk, yes, walk right by it when I am heading out of the office. I mean I could but I would have to maneuver through HR and walk by all the conference rooms to get to the front desk, only to turn around and walk back to the exit.  However, I went.

I road the recumbent bike for 20 minutes.  Well really for 10 minutes, then stopped for 45 seconds.  Then got back on, and road for another 11.

It was painful from the get go.  My hip was not happy with me.  My feet hurt.  I was uncomfortable, I begged myself to stop.  Truthfully, I got off the bike twice during the first ten minutes to "Adjust" the feet straps.  But I sat back down and kept peddling.  It hurt.  I peddled and it got easier and easier.  But it was still hard.

I am scared about the walking test on Monday.  What if something else is wrong with my heart.  I do have family members that tickers got off track at the age for 40.  However, I guess going and finding out is probably the best thing.

the last few months have been hard.  shit happens.  However, I have a wonderful 40th.  Spent with good friends.  The next day when I got to work, I had a great lunch with co-worker, no friends, and it was good.  They gave me a killer gift too.  So although its been busy, things are looking up.  And I need to step up.

I have to remember who I want to be.  The person inside.  The one underneath.  The one who believes with all his heart, there is more to life than coming to the office, and hitting a drive through.  I know this b/c I have lived it.  I just have start fighting again.  I know I can do this.  I know I can.

What did I say.  “Break the Machine, clean the machine, and rebuild the machine!”  


Maybe it is time to start cleaning the machine again.  No, it is time.  I am eating less.  There is not doubt about that, but I am not eating quality food.  I am not gaining weight, but I am not really losing weight either.  A draw doesn't do me any good.  Not when i am paying what I pay for medication.

I have a dream.  I dream of a life medication free.  Diabetes free.  energy .  Love.  Laughter.

I dream of fitting in places.  I dream of doing things others don't want to do.  I dream.  All dreams lead to place “Break the Machine, clean the machine, and rebuild the machine!”   

Tonight was a win.  We are getting better but we have so far to go.  But we are still fighting. we have too.

“Break the Machine, clean the machine, and rebuild the machine!”