Which number is greater ? 1.4 or 3,000

I was up 1.4 lbs... My fault.  I ate crap last week.  It was an emotional week.  I'd like to believe it's all muscle, but I ate poorly this week and I didn't track.  I need to do that.  I must do that!  Come on, I can do this!

However to day is off to a good start and a good start to next week.  Not only did I cook some yummy fajitas.  It was a good meal.  

The big news of the day though is my monster swim!  It was great.  It's the first 3,000 meter swim I've ever done and I did it in 1:47:50.  Thats actually pretty good for me :).  I'm aching, but feel great over all.  I'm gonna do another 3,000 tomorrow.  I have to keep pushing!  

The swim went as follows:

Warm up:

- 4 x 75 - kick/easy

- 4 x 75 - pull/easy

Main Set:

- 1 x 50 -   breast/easy

- 2 x 100 - backstroke/moderate

- 3 x 150 - breaststroke/moderate

- 4 x 200 - freestyle/moderate

- 3 x 100 - kick at hard

Cool Down:

- 9 x 50 IM Pull

- 150 easy IM

Swim Angry 2...

Text conversation on way home:

A: how was your swim?

Billy b: Angry ... But good... My free is back

-----

I should no better than to check my email when I get to the pool.  I should know but I don't.  It's 7:00 and you battled the whole way with yourself if you should go or not.  You had every excuse not too... Your cold .. All day long you've been cold to your core sleeping with the door open in 40 degree weather isn't smart but your not a dog owner your just doing the best you can for the puppy... Oh the puppy one more day of do sitting and gulp you can't imagine leaving the dog home alone for another three hours .  Plus your cold.  You don't want to get sick.  What if the dog gets sick.. Don't go to the pool tonight you can make it up later.  However you fight the voices and tell them no.. You have to go swim it's what you do.  You tell yourself just go down town for cocktails ... Like A said its to cold for the pool.  You look at the thermometer in the car and it's now 46 degrees. But you ignore it .  It doesn't matter, you need to swim.  It's the only thing that is consistent in your life.  You take down swim goals and laps like a short order cook flips flap jacks.  It's what you do.  Then you look at your emails and... Well... Isn't there always something... You get annoyed again.  You've been a annoyed all day.  Fucking people and their lack of charge space etiquette.  You spend so much time worrying about getting a charge.  Then you get a spot and some other car not in a charging spot is using the space.. That annoys you.  Other shit is on your mind and damn it their is always something in your email.  Your frustrated.  You think fuck lets just go home.  Lets not do this.  Dominos can be here in a half hour.  Look at your self in the mirror and you say you've fallen this week.  You've made bad choices a few times.  But your swimming and you tell yourself no one should be proud because "everything's the same". It always is.   You deserve no praise.  You haven't changed or grown you never do.  You pull yourself out of the car.  You don't want to go in, but you don't want to stop either.  Your plain mad now.  Your not gonna have a good week at the scale and they'll say oh it's thanksgiving and you'll be like ya, but you know your not logging.  You know your being emotional.  You know you have to much on your mind and "everything's the same".  You change cloths.  You walk outside in your suite and towel in hand.  It's 40 degrees and your in shorts and a towel.  you don't care you have 2700 meters to swim.  You jump in and the water isn't hot but it's warm.  It will do.  You go to your lane.  You pull up the routine and your wish you weren't angry. You wish you where perfect.  You wish you weren't frustrated.  You are.  You think about her.  You smile.  But it's fleeting the anger is still real.  You swim and you swim angry.  Your 400 warm up breaststroke free style mix goes good and you notice your free style is strong.  Real strong.  But your kind goes adrift and the anger comes back.  You do your 500 pull/kick breast, then your two hundred breast.  Your angry, there is no serenity tonight.  You didn't track this week.  Your fucked and your running out of time.  You posted goals and everything is the same.  Nothing has changed.  You will fail you always do.  500 pull split kick freestyle and your getting fatigued, just get out.. go home.  See the puppy.  Your two hundred free is outstanding.  You are swimming strong.  Breadth every 4 strokes and it's crisp and good...  Your still angry but you do it... You try to let it go but you know you didn't hold up your end.  Something don't change.  Something's you can't let go .  Everything's the same.  You swim angry because it's what you do.  5 x 100 im w 15 seconds rest are next.  You don't fly so you substitute breast and ...  The first two are good... You swim strong.  The third is better and when you turn into the last twenty five the freestyle you take off like a rocket and your half way across the pool before you breath and then you keep going you swim so hard you give it everything all your anger, your love, your hate.. And you move and you know at that moment unlike every other one you are beautiful.  Truly beautiful.  And your fast and working hard and you hit the wall and you stand up and your breathing heavy so heavy and the energy surges thru your entire body and it's almost to much you punch the water wth you left fist and you almost fall over because the energy is to great and not only for only a moment are you beautiful but your alive.  Truly alive!  And it's awesome.  The nxt two 100's are good but not as good but you know your freestyle is back and it's good and strong.  And of everything is the same so be it... You do your cool down... Back , breast , free and you love it... Your not as angry it's going away.  It's out of reach now.. Bc your were beautiful for one moment.  Your were alive and fuck everything else.  Your putting you gear into a mesh bag when your here a tennis player say oh it not that cold at the same time you pick up your kick board and it's has ice on it... You swam.. You. Did it!  Your on the path of the beam... 

And the tower is closer....

Another 2500 ....

Fuck I am tired… I spend the night in the pool searching for serenity.  However, I can’t write what I wanted to say.  I was really trying to relax and find a good place.  Already have 7,600 meters in December and we are only a few days in.  Awesome…. It was freaking cold out there tonight.   Anyway.. night people…

and the search for serenity...  i was looking for a place that the mind was totally turned off and the rythme of water totally took over... but in never found it... anyway... i can't think... i have to sleep

Some times you have to swim angry

That is what i did tonight... i swam angry...  i had to do something.  it was the first time since i really started swimming in Q4 i didn't want to go.  I was frustrated with work. sometimes it is really hard for me, working so hard and so long for a company and it not being what you wanted or expect.  i guess i need not bitch about my job.  End of the day i need the job to support my life. it was more than that though.  i started thinking and wondering what exactly has my weight and eating issues cost me?  has it cost me opportunities? has it cost me happiness?  so i went to the pool, with A's urging b/c i told her like five times I didn't want to go and swam.  I swam hard and long and i felt pretty good, but i kept asking myself the question what has my weight cost me?  Then that leads to why didn't this opt work out, or why didn't this happen for me.  It starts this negative fucking cycle.  The negative talk starts... so to curb i just swam hard, and faster and din't take breaks.  I just moved... and kept moving... finally in my 200 breaststroke set i found some serenity and was able to turn off all the why's of my life.  Why I am still where I am ... why aren't at this place or that... and the washing of the water over my head sort of took away the why's... however as hard as i swam... I was in the pool for ever... 1:53:55...  for 2600 meters... i guess i was running on less fuel than i expected... probably what happens when you don't eat lunch until 5 b/c you had work at work :)

i don't know... i don't make any sense tonight.   i was frustrated with career shit... i swam hard.  i feel better...  end of the day that is what matters... really excited about my goals... really have to log closely and watch everything that goes into my mouth.  lets do this the die has been cast....

Tonight's swim was as follows:

- 600 Warm Up - breast/free
- 200 pull/kick free
- 200 pull/kick breast
- 400 kick moderate - fins
- 200 free
- 200 breast
- 400 IM Kick
- 400 breast cool down...

anyway... in bed read for sleep have to take out the dog one more time though, dog sitting is tough work...

night party people!

End of 2013 start of 2014 Goals and Rewards!!!!

2013 and First Half of 2014 Goals and Rewards!!!!

 

 

I must continue to change and grow!

 

I am not sure if I can attach the power point or not…. but I am really thinking about the goals and the rewards for them.  Obviously, my health and being active is the top priority.

So I will summarize here what I think we should do at a high level and then drill down on it…

I can’t just say I want to get healthy and change my life style over this period of time.  I am going to come up with 8 goals that I can attain.  I will give myself a specified period of time to do so.  I have to continue on the Path of Beam to the Tower.  My Tower.  My Tower is a healthy happy life!

 

Why Do I want to do it?  Easy – I don’t want to die. I have been given so much potential and I have so many good things in my life, I want to be around to live the life I have dreamed of and that I know I deserve. 

How do I do it?  I see three options to meeting my goals:

•          1) Weight Watchers (if I don’t achieve the first four goals (below) by the end of February, then

•          2) I check myself into a clinic for 2 – 3 months and get my head right, if this fails, then

•          3) Next July I return to Stanford and allow them to put me a liquid diet to get me to a weight where they can do gastric bypass

Need to follow these steps to create smart goals:

•          Specific: What exactly do you want to accomplish? Specify the what, who, where, when why and how.

•          Measurable: How can you track your progress? How will you know when you have completed your goal?

•          Attainable: Is achieving this goal realistic in terms of effort and commitment? Do you have the resources necessary to complete this goal? If not, how will you get them?

•          Realistic: Is the goal attainable? Is the goal in line with your core values and mission for life?

•          Time Specific: When will you complete this goal? When is the deadline, and is the deadline realistic?

•          Follow those steps, and you have created a SMART goal.

Eight Goals (it is always comes back to 8)

•          2 Goals measured by weight loss by a specific date

•          1 Goal measured by waist line

•          3 Goals by swimming goals

•          2 Goals based on healthy monthly weight loss

 Goals:

•          Goal 1: The Garmin Swim Goal (50,000M in December)

•          Goal 2: 25 Lbs. by January 15

•          Goal 3: 60,000 Meters in January

•          Goal 4: 25 Lbs. by February 28

•          Goal 5: 10 Lbs. by March 31

•          Goal 6: Get seatbelt on w/o extender

•          Goal 7: 10 Lbs. by May 31

•          Goal 8: Mile open water swim in <50mins

 

Rewards:

      •          All Goals Deserve a Good Reward!

      •          Rewards are based on Success!

 

•        Goal/Reward 1: 51,000 Meters
December 2013 = Garmin Swim

 

• Goal/Reward 2: 25 Lbs. by January 14, 2014 = Activity Tracker: BodyMedia or Activelink

 

•          Goal/Reward 3: 60,000 Meters in January = New Parka to keep me warm at the pool!

•          Goal/Reward 4: 25 lbs by 2/28/14 = Jean Bonus! - b/c I will finally fit back into them at this point :D

•          Goal/Reward 5: 10 Lbs. by March 31, 2014 = New Swim Gear!

 

•          Goal/Reward 6: Get seatbelt on w/o extender = New Shades

•          Goal/Reward 7: 10 Lbs. by 5/31/13 = Trip to Vegas!!!!

 

•          Goal/Reward 8: Mile Swim Under 50 Minutes = New Wardrobe

December is here!

2500 and one hour and thirty-five minutes in the books and we are here swimming in December. Holiday season bring it on. We are on a mission to swim another 51,000 Meters this month. Well guess what only 48,500 more to go!

We are going to break the mold this holiday season. Most Americans gain some weight and throw all routines out the window during the holidays. I say Hum-bug to that. I say it's time to make a stand. We have won two great battles already in Q4. First the swim goal, that is right, I am still harping on it. I beat its ass and I am proud. Then came the Thanksgiving win. I have not spoken of this to anyone except my roommate. How is this for Thanksgiving tradition?

Every year I have spent Thanksgiving in California, after eating dinner at a friend’s house, I stopped on the way home at 7-11.  This is what I would do after stuffing myself all day long at a friend’s house remember.  I never skimped on dinner, no, no, no!  I ate appetizers, full dinner, 2nds’, 3^rds, and dessert.  So I would waddle into the 7-11 and pick up the following.  Every year.  I would do this: 1 bag of BBQ Lays, the big bag, not a small bag, 1 pint Ben and Jerry’s chocolate chip cookie dough, 1 pint Ben and Jerry’s Half Baked.  You have to remember this was never planned.  It was never thought out.  It was never planned.  It just was because at these dinners there was something missing, not family love, or kinship.  Nothing like that, because honestly I would do the same in Terre Haute, just in another method. No one likes the breakfast casserole, and mash potato monster that haunts the house in Indiana.  That kid who still eats himself even now until he fills like he is going to burst.  No something was missing in me.  Hope?  Confidence?  Love?  Some of these?  All of these?  Who really knows.  The truth is I never thought about it.  I just did it.  It was easier to do, not think.  There was no self-awareness.  No accountability.  So, I won’t lie to you I was worried when I was leaving A’s after dinner.  It weighed on my mind.  That the need to fix would take hold.  I ate rationally at A’s.  It was great food.  She is a one hell of a cook.  I was comfortable, not over stuffed.  I felt good, but in the back of my mind the voice was asking.  Are we going to go?  Are we going to stop on the way home?  The roommate won’t be back yet. No one will ever know.  However, I would know.  So, when I got in my car, and drove home I told myself I would not stop.  The voices did their normal battle, one more time, just one more time.  Come on let’s eat one more time.  We have been so good.  I just drove.  I drove straight to the McDonald’s drive thru that is.  However, I knew what I would order before I ever got there, it would be a hot chocolate and a diet coke.  I will take that any day over the BBQ chips, and 2 pints of cream.   I quenched my need for sweet with the coco and well I just love the fountain McDonald’s diet coke. So we won again, the wins keep piling up.  Also, I am down 5 over the last two weeks.  You have to be happy about that.   We are going to have a super successful Holiday Season people!  Let’s go!

Like I said Sunday we swam!  Because that is what I do….  

The swim felt really good, my arms are really sore, as are my shoulders. It felt great to swim.

- 300 Breaststroke

- 100 Freestyle

- 100 Breaststroke

- 100 Freestyle

- 200 Breaststroke

- 200 Kick Freestyle

- 500 Freestyle

- 500 Breaststroke

- 200 Kick hard

- 300 Pull

 

The Spoils of War!

 

 

“The Fifth, I Give You” Rand al’Thor from Robert Jordan’s “The Fires of Heaven”

“To the victor go the spoils”  - Proverb

The Fifth is a custom among the Aiel. It states that after they conquer a place, they are entitled to take a fifth of all that the conquered hold has, save food.  Who are the Aiel; they are only some of the coolest creations of Robert Jordan.  In all the reading I have done I think they might be the coolest race I have come across.  They are skilled warriors both men and women.  When the go to war they cover their faces with black veils and the y are bad asses, so when you see a black veiled Aiel you better run.  When they conquer a people they get the fifth, or what others call the spoils of war.  When Sherman marched on the south his people took spoils.  Throughout history winners have helped themselves to rewards of their victories.  Therefore, if I am fighting a war and winning, do I not deserve the spoils of war?  Do I not deserve the fifth? I think I do!

My spoil is simple.  I think it is fit for a man of the pool.  It is the Garmin Swim:

Strap It On and Dive In

Garmin Swim is ready to go right out of the box – just tell it the size of the pool you’re swimming in and begin your workout. Its sleek profile allows it to cut right through the water, so it won’t slow you down. And you can easily replace the battery yourself whenever needed (about once a year), instead of sending it in to the manufacturer – so you're always ready to go.

Focus On Your Training

With Garmin Swim on your wrist, you can focus on your technique instead of what lap you’re on. It automatically knows the stroke you’re using and tracks your lengths, strokes, distance, pace and more. With a few button presses, you can also log drills or start timed intervals without constantly monitoring the pool clock. It even calculates your swolf score to help you gauge your swimming efficiency, making it ideal for lap swimmers of all levels. The intuitive interface utilizes 6 exterior buttons, so each and every function can be accessed quickly and easily.

Stay Motivated

Slim and attractive enough to be worn as a daily watch, Garmin Swim serves as a personal reminder of your goals. To help you stay motivated, it displays your weekly accumulated distance under the time of day. Watch features include dual time zones and alarm.

Analyze and Share Workouts

 

After your workout, upload your swim data to Garmin Connect™, our website for free online analysis. Here, you can view your detailed metrics and track your progress over time. You can also share your workout data with your coaches, workout buddies, or friends and family. Through the magic of ANT+™ wireless technology and the USB stick that comes with your Garmin Swim, your workout data automatically transfers to your computer when in range. Garmin Connect is Mac® and Windows® compatible.

 

For a man who loves to track his swim stats, this is going to be perfect!  However, we all know in the past I have put together brief periods of greatness.  Stayed motivated for a month and then fallen apart and gained another 20 lbs.  So, I am adding another dimension to this in order to earn the Garmin Swim, I must continue to swim.  I must be as good in December as I was in November.  I must keep up the obsession with getting better in the pool.  Always, working harder and harder trying to get my head right and beat my addictions.  They are after all still there.  They haunt me.  I want to eat.  I want to be bad.  I have had a relatively good Thanksgiving weekend.  However, eating garbage is in the back of my mind.  I am lucky the roommate made pulled pork for me before she left and smoothies.  I have weight watcher meals to also help get me through the week.  So we are in good shape.  I totally believe I am going to lose weight this holiday season and got into 2014 on a high note.   Believing in myself, now that is something I don’t think I have ever done before.   

Anyway, the way I see it in order to earn my spoil, I need to swim.  The original plan was to swim more in December than November.  However, I am concerned about the holiday break and being gone for 5 days.  I only am speaking from a swimming perspective.  We will get into the nightmare of the eating monster I become the minute I step foot in Indiana later.  Now, we speak only of victory and spoils of war!

I have marked 22 Days I am available to swim in December.  In November I swam 23 and averaged 2300 Meters per swim.  So If I take 22 days and multiply it be 2300 that should allow me to swim 50,600, which is almost equivalent to what I did in November, by 400 meters.  Ok, fuck it we swim 51,000 meters in December and when I do I get my garmin swim.  Not only that I think I will swim 51,000 meters in 20 swims. 

Ok… of to work on something about thanksgiving now and changes I have made… well gotta walk the dog first…. We are on the Path Folks!  The Path of the Beam and the Tower is closer!