A Halloween Tale

The last two year I have wanted to write a Halloween Tale, however, my laziness got the better of me.  Then this year, I never even thought about it until today.  I have just been so busy with the new role at work and focusing on pushing through paper. 

In my time I have realized I have a very macabre side.  I think as a child with an overactive imagination I was always terrified of this.  I used to hold on to the head board every night before going to sleep because I thought he classic ghouls and goblins were all around me just staring at my bed.  I couldn’t watch scary movie commercials.  When the Stephen King book club would come on that commercial was the worst.

In High School I went through an Edgar Allen Poe phase and that was really my first dive into the macabre.  Well, so I thought, but of course I wrote tells much earlier than 16 about Skip Norris, a.k.a. the Killer Cabbage Patch Kid, and his sidekicks the Killer Cows.  Which were ghost stories told late on Friday nights at sleepovers under the sheets with the flash light!  Wooooo, wooooo! 

It is no wonder with my love of Poe and the Skip Norris (Bloggers Note: Skip Norris was a good 5 to 10 years pre Chucky!  I am not saying my idea was stolen, I mean look at any fucking doll, they are mega creepers right! I mean really look at them!  Ewwwww!)  that sooner or later I would turn to Stephen King and he would be the literary master I look up to the most.  I mean fucking King is the master!  He doesn’t get enough credit for being a great writer.  The man can paint pictures with his scenes.  I always feel like I am in the story with his characters.  Fucking love me some King!

So that comes back to a Halloween Tale and honestly, I don’t think I have one that I can crank out in the next 20 minutes before work goes off the hook busy.  I’d love to tell the story of the insane miniature clown that terrorizes a fat man at his home.  I’d even love to revisit my first murder scene I ever wrote, and CAROL, I am still pissed you through this out!!!  It was during my Poe phase and basically a man goes insane one Halloween Night and chokes his girlfriend to death in the shower and the sits over her dead body and laughs.  Both stories would take too paint the right images. 

Sure I could bang out in a few paragraphs a man choking his girl to death.  Easy.  However that isn’t scary.  The actually choking no, it’s the buildup and the insanity that follows that terrifies.  I have found over the years it’s what you don’t see either on screen, or in a book that holds the attention.  The bloody body might show a scary picture in the head for a second but the buildup.  That’s what does it because it makes the imagination create the horror.  King again in my mind isn’t a master of horror but of suspense.  What is in the corn?  What is in the wall?  What is the wolf like thing with the piebald side lurking in the woods?  What does it want?

So alas, I have no tales to spin? 

 

I am walking through a grave yard.  I am feeling like I am going to die.  I am just walking to be walking, I am not even sure why.  I fear something out there.  It’s calling out my name.  I am not sure what it is, but I know there will be pain.    I know for sure I am terror bound.

I notice the grave yard is cold, so, cold.  It is unnaturally cold for this time of year in Indiana?  Why am I here?  What am I doing?  I am compelled to go forward.  I can’t turn around.  Ka wills me to this time and this place. I hear it.  I hear it over and over again.  I hear my name.  It is a low rasp.  Nothing more than a mire whimper.  “Kooddddyyyyy, Kooddddyyyyy” 

As if with someone else’s feet I move forward.  Like a puppet on a string I am pushed forward.  Step after step, I move towards the unknown calling.  The calling of my name, I have no idea what it is.  It is low.  Barely even audible.  My bowels clinch; I feel my bladder start to loosen and still the calling.  Always the calling: “Kooddddyyyyy, Kooddddyyyyy” 

SNAP and my heart jumps into my throat.  My breathing gets heavy and I look down and there is only a twig under my feet.  The calling has me out of my mind.  It start to get louder the further I walk.  It is more persistent than it has been. 

Breathing is out of control.  I am pretty sure I just pissed myself in fear.  My bowels could let go at any second.  I keep being pushed forward by the will of time and space.  My heart is thunder.  There is no turning back.  My breath drums in my head.  The voice is rapidly saying my name over and over again.  “Kody, Kody, Kody, Kody!!!”  It is inside my head brum dum drum, brum dum drum.  “Kody, Kody, Kody, Kody!!!” 

I step and I am falling.  I am falling down and down again.  I land on soft velvet.  I smell old wood.  My hand touches a pillow.  I open my eyes and I am in a bed.  A small bed, it is not very wide.  No, it is not bed.  Not a bed at all it is a coffin.  I am in a coffin.  I am in a fucking coffin.  Brum dum drum, brum dum drum.  “Kody, Kody, Kody, Kody!!!”  Brum dum drum, brum dum drum.  “Kody, Kody, Kody, Kody!!!” 

I scream in madness. I don’t know what to do, I am not ready.  It is not my time.  Not now, not NOW, I scream into the lonely night. 

I start swinging my fist.  My first are lighting fast.  I am punch at the velvet and the pillow. I grab the pillow and I throw it out of my way. I punch and punch.  I am hammering. I punch through the velvet to the wood. I punch and I punch again. 

A hand on my shoulder, I come out of a trance.  It is hot.  It is so fucking hot. I look around; it isn’t Halloween, but summer. It is summer in Indiana and the humidity sticks to me.  I almost suffocate from it.  I look down at the ground.  I see concrete.  I am still on my knees but not in a grave but on the sidewalk in downtown during midsummer festival.  People all around me staring with mouths open.  I feel pain. Pain in my hands, they are covered in blood from punching on the concrete. 

 

See no story to tell… 

Talking to Tim

Who I am and who I want to be:

 

Heard back from Tim the guy at http://tiniertim.com/

What a guy... I copied my response to him here for you to read...  So you know what I said... his words are in red, mine in black...

After reading some of your blog over the weekend, watching “Searching for the Perfect Human Diet”, and reading about different Paleo types of diets, I woke up on Monday and decided to renounce the following:

-          Milk

-          Cheese

-          Really any Dairy

-          Pizza

-          Potatoes

-          Bread of any form

-          Flour

-          Wheat

-          Fried Foods

I figured with a whole foods local to me, and a few other things, I could wing it the first week and just give it the ole college try.  On day four and it has been ok. I am probably doing more of a modified atkins than paleo right now, but working towards the paleo way :D

Let me start by just saying thanks!  This has been a lifelong battle for me and over the last year, I have dealt with a lot of mental issues about how I feel about myself and why.  I am ready for the next step. 

Let’s answer your questions: 

 

* Can you cook for yourself?

A – Yes, I can.  I love to grill, and use my George Forman.  Other than that, I am not a great cook, but am not afraid to try.  Also, sometimes, I get a little lazy at nights, b/c my job is a grind, and I am exhausted when I get home.  So, yes, I can cook, do I always no, but I want to cook more and know what I am eating. 

* Do you have the time and willingness to do food prep or do you need/want to rely on prepared food?

A – Yes, honestly, I have the time.  I spend lots of time on my couch watching TV, that is time that could be spent on me and getting better.  I think to start I should say I “want” to do 50/50, but slowly phase out prepared food. 

* What other issues do you have with food? Any allergies or foods you want to avoid?

A – No food allergies.  I will be honestly, I don’t like fish. Unless it is sushi, which I know is a hurdle for most people trying to get healthy.  The truth is I just don’t enjoy the taste.  Well unless it is breaded and deep fat fried.  Otherwise, I don’t think there is anything else I don’t eat.  I will think about this more just in case.

 

* Do you feel confident in eliminating certain types of foods 100% or do you need some flexibility?

A – I can do it, and I will tell you why.  When I quit smoking and chewing (at different points in my life) I took the cold turkey approach.  I have been a smoker on and off my whole life.  I was always able to stop cold turkey when I wanted to.  Haven’t smoked in over a year now and I don’t plan on it anytime soon. 

Chew was hard.  I stopped chewing at 22 or 23, 15 or 16 years ago.  It was the worse two weeks of my life, but I got over it.

I am a person who does well with on or off.  That being said, I do have a tendency to cut out fast food for 6 months, then eat it every night for a week.  I am not saying I want to eat fast food, but I should probably plan a homemade pizza night, or some sweet tator fries at some point, to at least try and control that want/need. I would rather be strict with like once a month flexibility, I think.   

 

* How do you feel about choosing a low carb or low fat diet?

A – Low carb fine, Potatoes, bread, and pizza are bane of my existence.  Low fat is fine too..  I mean after all as long as I get to eat meat I can be pretty happy.  Doesn’t matter if it is lean or fatty, Meat is Meat and I am carnivore. 

* Do you live alone?

No, I do have a roommate who has a dog.  She the roommate is very into the paleo move.  She has her own dietary issues, has pushed paleo for a while, and is excited in trying to do a paleo movement with me. 

* Will you please send me an average or typical day's meal plan?

A – Day  I am at my worst 50% of the time:

Breakfast: two egg McMuffins

Lunch: BBQ pork with sauce, BBQ Brisket w sauce, French fries, onion rings

Snack: Specialties cookies

Dinner: McDonalds – double QPC w/ cheese, two large fries, large coke, and a double cheeseburger

Day when I am at my best”

Breakfast – smoothie green, w/ oats, almond milk, kale, spinach, berries

Lunch – three pork tacos

Snack: fruit or dried nuts

Dinner – two burger on forman, baked fries, lots of BBQ sauce and may

The last few days:

Breakfast – egg and ham ommie

Lunch – burger patty w/ veggie fixins 0r gyro meat w veggies – side salad or butternut squash

Snack – cashews

Dinner – pork and quacamole bowl

 

* Have you signed up for MyFitnessPal? Will you do it and send me a friend request @TinierTim?

No, I have no idea what MyFitnessPal is but I will look it up and sign up. 

 

Generally speaking, I recommend the following cursory advice to start and I can also give you ideas for meal plans based on your answers to the previous questions:

 

* Get rid of the bad food from your house.

A - Done, we don’t have a lot there.  We don’t keep junk food in the house.

* Drink a lot of water. The conventional wisdom is 8 glasses a day is healthy but the truth is that there is 0 scientific evidence supporting this factually. The truth is that I drank a TON of water because it made me feel full so I could eat less and drop weight.

A – I drink two liters of water before, I ever leave the house.  First thing I do when I get up, drink two liters.  Then drink at least two more during the day.  I have drank as many as 7, but at 6 and 7 liters I just felt bloated all day. 

* Eat raw veggies when you feel snack and keep them pre-cut to avoid laziness making you reach for something else. If Baby carrots cost an extra $0.50 a pound and that keeps you from reaching for Tortilla Chips, spend the money. Take the money you’re saving from not eating out anymore.

A – This can be done.  I am getting a new office at work soon and get my own fridge to keep things in… the fridges are work are disgusting and I can’t eat anything out of them.

* Stay busy. Many of us eat out of boredom. Cut TV and take up some hobbies to get your mind off of eating time. Make it a physical hobby and you’re killing two birds with one stone.

A- Guilty here.  I would say of my extra 260 lbs, 100 is boredom.  The other is stress.  I have a stressful job, it has gotten better, I recently changed roles, and I love my job for the first time in 8 years.  My issue is my number 1 hobby is writing.  So that is a sitting thing. However, I also love to walk and find myself the most creative when I am walking.  Give me some AC/Dc and a walk and I will create lots of things in my mind. 

* Pack a lunch and avoid having to decide what to eat on the fly. I packed my lunch for Thanksgivings and Christmases. It kept me from binging. Call ahead to your host and they’ll understand.

A – I am spending Xmas and Thanksgiving alone this year.  I did that on purpose.    I can’t go back to Indiana right now b/c of my new job, plus I feel too fat to travel, and two I need to focus on me right now.  My plan is to get food for both days from WF and make sure it is stuff that is good for me. I will avoid stuffing, mash, pies, candies, cakes, etc…  

Packing lunch is my least favorite thing to do.  I am not saying I won’t do it and or can’t.  I have a buddy at work who is very supportive of me and we go to places where we can get paleo type stuff.  However, I know that in the long run I have to do less eating out. So, ideally, I would slowly but surely cut the eating out down and pack more lunch. 

I love  Weight Watchers. I’m a huge fan of their practical approach to eating, although I didn’t use their program to lose weight. I loved studying nutrition and getting into biohacking on myself to learn what worked best for me. A program like Weight Watchers eliminates the need to make decisions because you are dealing with their budget point system, which is cool. I love that you’re a triathlete, very cool. Running the Wildflower triathlon was one of the best experiences of my life.

A – the truth.  The real truth is I go to WW b/c it is the only place that I can get weighed b/c of how fat I am.  I like the idea of a lifestyle change, but I am not married to WW.  Honestly, I would rather not count anything.  Have a list of things I can and can’t eat and work from there. 

Wildflower you are a better man than I, I wouldn’t do it just b/c of the camping aspect, my roommate is going to try and do the 70.3 there next year.  I will do a 70.3 someday, but it won’t be after camping out :D  I have done several tri’s, I want to believe I was the worlds fattest triathlon.  I should try to get into the book of world records.  I have done Pacific Grove at least five times… 08, 09, 10, 11, 12.  Sprint in 08, Sprint in 09, Sprint in 10, Double downed in 2011 and did the Olympic on Saturday, and Sprint on Sunday, and then did the swim and walk on the oly in 12 and did the sprint tri in 12.  I did a swim/walk also at lavaman in 2013, but I was 460 by that point and my body couldn’t take it anymore.

I love to swim.  I am a fish.  I feel more comfortable in the water than anywhere else.  90,350 meters is what I swam Q4 of last year, I want to get back to that and then eat to back it up. 

Someday I will do what no one ever thought I could… someday I will do 140.6 and be an ironman… I know it is in my destiny… I want to do it b/c everyone who looks at me and thinks I am lost.  I am not lost, I am found.  I am awesome… I can will do this… My path was just different… plus the Game o Triathlon is a drug that I love taking. 

Yes my new friend let’s do this together! 

The Kid and The Boy

 

 

The Kid and The Boy

Siblings in my opinion are a blessing, don’t get me wrong at the same time they can also be curse.  I think anyone who has brothers and sisters can relate to that statement.   I know my sibling would agree.  I am one of five siblings.  Two older sisters, and older brother, and what a baby brother, he can be in his late thirties but he will always be my baby brother.  My sisters are angles, at least in my mind.  I love them and miss them.  Last October 29^th I shared a little about the importance of my older brother to me.  Apparently, I made him teary eyed with it, and that just tells me he got what I was saying.  I won’t rehash that here.  I feel that entry is standalone and no matter what I say here about my younger brother, that bond I have with my big brother will always be there, just like it will be with my sisters.  However, the Ding and I have well; we have always been on a different wave length than the rest of the world.

Shawn Hastings Burkle, aka the Dinger, aka the Ding Burkle is my baby brother.  He is probably the oldest baby alive at 36.  Somewhere in the last 15 years, I adopted a mantle for myself, as the Kid.  Shortly, after that he became the Boy.  He tried to use the kid for a while, but I was having none of that.  So, he adapted to the Boy.  We stole this from my Dad’s best friend Jorge who used to always refer to his own son, simply as the Boy. 

I often tell people when you want to think about my younger brother, just think of me, make me over six foot tall, skinny as a rail, and a blonde hair and there you go.  Then, I stop and remember and have to say but he has two hollow legs, because he can drink more than anyone I have ever met.  My shenanigans are his shenanigans, and vice versa.  Neither of us likes to introduce ourselves by our real names.  There are several women in Pleasanton that think my name is either Ken Ju, or Chris Rich. 

The Boy is coming for a visit this weekend, therefore, whether I like it or not, Tom Foolery will follow with him.   There will be football.  There will be booze.  There will most likely be some hooting and hollering.  We will reminisce over the Colts Super Bowl Run and victory over the Bears (we won’t discuss the loss to the Saints, you just don’t go there).   We will discuss the rise of the Monster in Indianapolis Football.  We will make fun of my old roommate and his good friend Ison, it’s just par for the course.  He will tell me what a girl Poogie is.  I know this all will happen because it has happened the better part of the last 36 years. 

It isn’t always shits n’ giggles either.  The Ding and I haven’t always been friends.  Like any other rollercoaster it has its ups and downs.  There was the time we went fist-a-cuffs after too much beer. I slammed him through a glass table, and he pulled the hockey move on me.  You know the one where you grab the guy’s shirt and pull it over his head and go to town.  Now that I mention it I am still a little bitter about that one.  There are too many other ups and downs to recount here in this time and this place. 

It was the Boy who had final say in the cutting of the hair.  I mean after all I had to grow my hair out because he did and his looked so bad, I had to show him how long hair looked good! 

We saw Return of the Jedi 13+ together in theaters.  Our old sitter Mrs B.  Really his nanny.  Lived by an old theater and we hit that thing like every freaking day.  We had ever line memorized and we would re-enact it word for word.  I will also never forget when mom had to take him home during empire because the imperial walkers scared him shitless.  Pussy. 

What I know is as a kid, I hated the fact I couldn’t go anywhere without my little brother.  Junior got to go everywhere without me.  However, I always had to take the Dinger with me.  I hated it. I tell you I hated it.  Now, I would do anything to have him around more.  The minute we get together we slide right into it.  It doesn’t matter how long it has been.  We just click and two become one.  So, I warn you San Jose, this weekend you are in trouble, because two will become one.  The double headed monster of the Kid and the Boy is coming and I am pretty excited about it.

Day 1 and keeping the message in mind!!!!

The message is pasted to my bathroom mirror.  It is in my car (see above) and it is on my desk now as well.   I have to keep in the for front of my mind that I have a goal and I have to work towards it.  I think the message in the car is super, b/c after all it is the car that takes me to get food.  If I can keep it focused in my mind then I will make better choices. 

Day 1 was sort of hard!  I know that sounds dumb, and maybe I am crazy, but I think my body knows it is in for a change.  I had a headache all day yesterday and my nerves were a live wire.  Now not eating lunch until 1:15 didn't help, especially, after having breakfast at 7.  That is all badness.  However, sometimes duty calls, and the kid had to be on the telephone. 

However, yesterday at each meal we won.  For breakfast we did a special order at specialties yesterday.  So that I only got an egg and bacon.  No butter, not cheese, not bread, none of those things I normally love.  Lunch there was more meat and a little bit of salad.  Dinner there was yet more salad, yes that is right, I ate salad twice yesterday, hopefully, this is the start of a new trend.  Finally, I had a burger for dinner last night.  Just a meat patty, whole foods style with grilled onions, avocado, some mayo, mustard, tomatoes, green leafy lettuce.  I made it thru day 1 and when I went to bed last night, I went with a smile on my face.  I was happy.  I was happy that was able to maintain for one day.  Since we are taking this one pound at a time and day by day, I would say we are off to a great start. 

Even though this a.m. there were more challenges.  Apparently, lady at Specialty's didn't put my order in right and when I was expecting open a box of a sausage patty and an egg, I was surprised to find a breakfast sandwich!  complete with Ciabatta Bread and Cheese!

Look Billy b from Sunday would have said oh well, one more time won't hurt me.  However, I said no no no... And I scrapped off the cheese and pushed the bread to the side. 

 

 

Then I went about my business eating the egg and sausage.  It was ok.  I know I can't just eat eggs, bacon, or Sausage each morning.  However, it will do until I get to the store this weekend and can do some proper planning.  I was happy to say I wasn't tempted by the bread or cheese and when I was don my plate looked like this:

 

Take that cheese and bread, and now you mother fuckers are in the trash!!!!

So, we are going to keep it up today... need to find a place to get some good protein and greens. 

All the while keeping one thing in mind Jeans in January of 2015!!!!

 

As of Today, I renounce you....

Today is going to be hard.  Not because I woke up at 4 a.m.  No that seems to be the new normal for me.  Not because it is Monday either.  In the past Monday has been a huge challenge for me. However, now I treat Monday like any other day.  Honestly, since I started my two liters in the morning Monday’s have been easy for me.  No, today is going to be hard for what I am about to renounce. 

I came across a blog yesterday and the blog was called http://tiniertim.com/  I have to admit, I am fucking inspired.  He did.  He did what I want to do.  He made the sacrifice and lost over 200 pounds.  If he can do it, then I can do it.  I can succeed, I know I can.  One pound at a time, I can succeed.  I emailed Tim and told him the truth about my journey.  I currently feel lost and trapped.  Every day I swear to start over, and every day I get up and eat garbage.  Tim may or may not email me back.  I am sure he gets a ton of people pinging him each day.  After thinking about it long and hard, I went to the World Wide Web and looked to see how I could get jump started.  The Web had no easy answers.  So I turned to Amazon Prime to see if they could help me out and I came across a movie called “The Perfect Human Diet”.  For those of you who don’t believe we came from monkey’s you will probably have a hard time believing what the movie is telling us.  However, it gets to a point that basically, lean meat and veggies is the diet our kind had been living on for 1.9M years until we started growing grains.  Long story short grains = bad, fruits, veggies, lean meat = good.  I got the same message from both Tim and The Perfect Human Diet.  So that is goodness in my mind.  Look, I am first and foremost a carnivore.  I love the meat. End of the day every meal I eat what I love the most about it is the meat.  So I say to myself let us eat meat and be merry.  At the same time let’s work in some green stuff.  I do actually really like romaine lettuce and spinach. 

Everything I looked at yesterday gave me no easy way to get jump started.  How in the hell do I get going?  I was not sure.  I couldn’t be for sure. Moreover I spent the day researching and watching movies, about eating right and didn’t make it to the store.  So, without planning, really how the hell do I get started on a new path?    

The answer came to me as I walking out of the house at 5:50 this a.m.  During the battle the rages on in me every day when I walk out that door and get into Snowflake.  Are we getting McDonald’s breakfast or not?  I searched and searched the World Wide Web looking for something that under a paleo method you could get away with eating the Egg McMuffin, but there was nothing.  That battle started earlier than leaving the house.  So, I said ok, I won’t eat till I get to the office, and at the office I can get an egg and some pig and that will have to do.  However, I also told myself we would get our coffee black.  No milk and no sweetener.  Thus, my journey began without me really knowing it.  So, on the drive up here I told myself I am not ready to go 100% Paleo just yet.  However, I am willing to start making changes today.  Right now, it is time to keep moving forward.  So, as of today Monday October 20, 2014 I hereby renounce the following:

·         Milk

·         Cheese

·         Really any Dairy

·         Pizza

·         Potatoes

·         Bread of any form

·         Flour

·         Wheat

·         Fried Foods

So, as of Today, we start new.  We start Fresh.  As of today we start working towards Jeans in January 2015!!! We got this!

 

Testing

 hate needles.  Really I'm terrified of them.  I'm just got stuck with 40 of them but I had to act like a man because she was hot.  However today we are taking care of me... Starting with allergy tests, then another sleep apnea test, then dr Oba, and perhaps scoping!  Anyway time to get healthy.  Counted my points today :)

Not Alone…

Not Alone…

“He is but one man. One man alone cannot fight the future.”
- Strughold, X-Files (Movie)


I think Strughold had it right.  I think it what he said was true.  I don’t think one man alone can fight the future.  I know I have tried.  I have tried to do this my own way.  I wanted to lose weight by eating cheeseburgers, French fries, and not listening to a god damned word anyone else had to say.  I was one man, and I had a plan, to prove everyone who has given up on me wrong, that I could do and do it my way.  I think I heard somewhere that the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over the same way and expecting a different result. I didn’t want to change my life.  I don’t want to take responsibility for it.  However, like all things in our lives we are the only ones to be held responsibility.  We are the ones that must decide what to do in the time we are in this time and place.  Everything I was scared of growing up has come true: being really fat, being that man eating alone in a restaurant, who looked so sad, and being adrift and losing my way.  

Wait.  I don’t accept that.  I don’t accept that I am alone.  I am not alone.  I am pretty far from it.  I have lots of people in my live that I make difference to.  That was the point of this blog, but I got a call, got on a different subject and the moment was gone.  I am not one man fighting for my future alone.  I am a man who has tons of people in his life that love him and will support him.  I have so many Friends, family, and co-workers that will stand with me and who reject this version of me and who will go with me to the very end.

One I have exactly 19 days left in my 38th year.   And as an old friend told me on Saturday morning in January, 2014 is going to be my year.  I think she was right.  I have come so far.  I have taken the blinders off.  I have found a job I love, and a boss who respects what I bring to the table.  As I have said I have surrounded myself with people who love me.

The time is now.  19 days from being 39.  384 days till I am forty and I know now, that I won’t accomplish one of my biggest dreams before I am 40, but that is ok, because I will be on the path.  Next Saturday I will attend my weight watchers meeting and I will be better when I get on the scale next week than I am today.  I will succeed.   It is my time now.  Time to finish what we started.  Time to go on the offensive in this war.  I can and will do this.

I see it in the distance.  I see it getting closer all the time.  It is my mission, my goal, my life, my Tower.  Yes, my tower.  I will get to my tower.  I will be the man I was born to be.

I am in this time and this place to learn something.  Perhaps it is to learn how to be perseverant.  To never give up.  I haven’t.  I won’t.  My TOWER is closer, and when I get there I won’t be alone, because one man is no man, I will get there with a little bit of help from the people that love me.  This is my task.  My job.  My weight is my ring, I both love and hate it, as I have both loved and hated myself.  I do this because it is what is best for me.  I do this so I can have the life I want.  However, when I am down.  I will turn to those who love me to pick me up.  When I win, I will brag to them.  When I lose, I be rallied by their encouragement.  I am one man, and one man alone cannot fight the future.  
 

Jeans in Jan 2015

I came up with a new motto today... Jeans in Jan 2015... I think I have noted once or twice here that I can't wear jeans because of how big I have gotten.  I haven't worn jeans since the fall of 2012.  I know its sad.   I am about 50 lbs. away from getting back into jeans.  I know I can loose 40 lbs. in a month.  I have done it before with doing Weight Watchers.  It was April of 2013 and I did pretty damn good.  It was easier back then b/c I had some one cooking for me and I never had to go into the kitchen.  I wasn't tempted at the store and I never ate out.  I am on my own this time.  However, I have a goal.  A really simple goal.  Wear jeans again.  Something I think we all take for granite.  I mean I could go find a pair of jeans now but they would have an elastic lining and be stone washed.  I would be the king of white trash!  However, I want real jeans :-) and we aren't really that far away from them. I think this is a good goal for Q4 and January. 

I am calculating a plan right now.  I have reached out to a good friend to get a workout routine want to do weights twice a week.  I am going to walk a couple times a week. I will swim too.   I am thinking at least 20 minutes a day 6 days a week.   Movement is key... I have a lot of people who will help and support me too.  I have a huge following and everything one wants me to be successful.

I will also commit to weight watchers and learning to deal with my food issues.  It is time.  I am going to be 39 in a month and it is time.  I can't go into my 40's the way I went into my 30's.  I can't.  At some point I have to focus on my future.  I have to do what is right by me.  So I like my new motto.  I like working on my plan and using every resource available to me.  It is time.  It is the time of the Reaper and his time to RISE...

Elevator Action

 

Elevator Action

“I want action tonight

Satisfaction all night

You've got the love I need tonight”

-          Poison, I want Action Tonight

When I came with the title to this blog, my mind raced back to sixth grade.  Me and my number 1 sweet sweet CK in the arcade with a pocket full of tokens.  I find this game that looks interesting to me.  Interesting because it has man he rides and elevator and gets off and shoots every mother fucker on the floor.  I was 12 and I thought games you got to shoot people in where cool.  The name of the game was “Elevator Action”.  It was 87 or 88 it was simpler time and yes, I thought the Game Elevator Action was cool.  To make things worse my buddy sees me playing the game and him being the funniest mother fucker I knew at the time proceeded to crack me up with the following song, “I want action tonight.  Satisfaction all right.  I want elevator action tonight.”  Again 12 people, I guess I used to be easily amused.  It was a simple play on a really bad Poison song.   None of this has anything to do with this blog, other than I stole the title from a video game. 

This handsome Rogue was in a contract management meeting, the product he had helped design.  The tool is slick, and it looks nice, and works as advertised, however, the people implementing at the Company are donkeys....  They turned a demo meeting into a requirements meeting and a project that should have been done and rolled out is now a disaster, delayed, and basically never going to get off the ground.  Apparently, assigning a proxy for your team doesn't mean shit, b/c come demo day everyone is going to come up with a new list of requirements... sometimes you just want to watch everyone burn.  I felt sorry for the two project leads. 

On his way to the elevator he gets an email from an old friend and was wondering what they had to say, but he has a meeting.  So, he should wait right.  He is getting on the elevator, so why not he won't be reading and walking.  After he had issues with that in the past didn’t he?  He did break his funny bone b/c he was walking and texting.  It was really bad juju.  So being on the elevator he could take time to read.  Couldn’t he?   

He gets on and turns around and the soda guy is getting on with him.  This dude is the biggest dude he thinks he has ever seen.  He is huge!  Like he is going to beat some serious ass huge.  There are few people the Rogue cowers from but this man was one of them.  He gets on says hi and pressing five.  Good same place I am going, I will stand here and read the email. 

So he goes to the corner of the evaluator and starts reading, he gets in grossed in the email.  It was a good communication from an old friend and he loses all track of time and space.   While he is reading,   the elevator door opens.  Then it closes.  He just keeps reading.  Then suddenly it hits him, the huge man who got on with him was gone.  Was he ever really there?  Yes, yes he was there.  So maybe he just didn't hit five?  No, no he is sure that he hit five.  However, our hero is standing in the elevator on five with the doors closed and he freaks out.  He starts punching the number five.  The doors don't open. he is stranded.  He tries again nothing.  He paces the elevator and tries again.  He is terrified of small places and he wants to get out of this box.  He hits five again and nothing.

He is stuck on the elevator b/c he was reading an email.  OMG the madness.  How long will he be here?  Who will find him?  What if the elevator breaks and plunges to his death.  He hits five again and again.  Stuck.  Stuck on the 5th floor of his office and he can't get out. 

Should he call someone?  No signal, damn it! 

What can he do?

He thinks, maybe I will try 4.  And soon as four lights up and the elevator start moving, he hits five.  He stops on four the doors open, and then close again.  He goes up to five and the doors open.  Oh thank the light the doors open.  He leaps off.  Saved!!!!

Dances with Lycans (Stick with it is will make you smile)

Dances with Lycans

“Fucking Lycans!”

-          Billy b, Mad Blogger and friend of Animals and inspiration to all

“I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand
Walkin' through the streets of Soho in the rain
He was lookin' for the place called Lee Ho Fooks
Gonna get a big dish of beef chow mein”

-          Warren Zevon, Werewolves of London

A definition Lycan:  A werewolf, also known as a lycanthrope (from the Greek λυκάνθρωπος: λύκος, lykos, "wolf", and ἄνθρωπος, anthrōpos, "man"), is a mythological or folkloric human with the ability to shapeshift into a wolf or a therianthropichybrid wolf-like creature, either purposely or after being placed under a curse or affliction (e.g. via a bite or scratch from another werewolf). Early sources for belief in lycanthropy are Petronius and Gervase of Tilbury.  This phenomenon is also referred to as lycanthropy, for the Greek lykoi (wolf) and anthropos (man).

 

 

It’s the moon.  It always starts with the moon.  I don’t know what it about the moon, but I know it has to do with the moon.  They say under a full moon a cursed man can turn from his human form to a werewolf, or as I have so often called them a weirdwolf, or as they are known now a Lycan.  Fucking Lycans!  I won’t sit here and debate with the naysayers that a Lycan isn’t a werewolf, because well, I think that is just stupid.  Man turns to wolf and then turns back = werewolf, see, my logic is simple.  I tell you this because yesterday was very surreal and it all started with my drive to work, the bad moon that was going down, and yes “Fucking Lycans!” 

There was something about the moon that bothered me on my drive into work yesterday.  I wouldn’t know until later that there was a lunar eclipse.  Not until I started to do research on moon, the cycle, and lycan.  The moon look ominous and evil to me and it was full and bold as any moon I had seen.  Each time I peaked at outside my driver’s side window I got a little chill.  I know that moon cold only mean one thing.  That Lycans are afoot.  The closer I got to work and looking around at the darkness that surrounded me, I started ask myself questions.  Questions that would need answering, yes, questions that needed answering.    First and foremost is when exactly do weirdwolves change back to men?  Is it at the first crack of dawn?  Is it when the moon goes down?  Daybreak? Etc…  I find this to be very important because like I said it was very dark on the ride up to Pleasanton and I would have to walk from my car to the office and well, I will be honest, I am scared of “Fucking Lycans!”

The moon really got to me when I turned on to Stoneridge Drive.  I mean it seemed close enough to touch, but it looked so evil I didn’t want to touch it.  I had spent the better part of the last 40 minutes thinking about the lycan and now I was almost to the parking lot and I had no idea if it would be save to cross the parking lot.  I mean after all, what if the Fucking Lycans got me?

I park Snowflake, yes my car is named Snowflake, what of it and I climb out of my car.  Honestly, I had freaked myself out so much thinking about werewolves I am honestly surprised I didn’t run into the office and say fuck plugging in my car.  Then again, I will be goddamned if I have to use gas, then what is the point of having a car that can run on electricity I ask?  At least the parking lot was completely empty.  So I felt the chances of getting eaten were slime.  So, I go to plug in Snowflake, but everything goes wrong.  First, I to plug her in and I notice I forgot to pop the charger door.  So, I have to rummage in all six of my pockets to see where I dropped the keys so I can pop her.  Then I drop the freaking charger and I have to bend over and pick it up.  I think to myself, you know if this was a weirdwolf movie this is when I would get eaten.  So I snap up so fast that I drop the fucking charger again.  I told myself to get a grip.  I tried.  However, when I plugged in my car and started to hurry to the office door, I noticed that the charger didn’t take.  It said no car.  For some reason there is this one charger down there that just doesn’t’ like Flake and try to electric block her all the time.  So, I try again.  Nope, doesn’t take.  I pull it out.  I wait a few seconds and it doesn’t take.  As I am doing this I am also scanning the parking lot, yes for lycans.  In the distance I see a shape and I about shit myself, I know I am fucked now.  So, right before I was about to give up, and run in, I tried one last time and it finally took.  There is nothing like building your own suspense right? Fucking Lycans! 

At this point the shape starts to take form and it is a women.  However, Lycans don’t discriminate. I know most of the famous werewolves are men; however, they can just as easily be girls.  So, I do my best race walk towards the building.  For some reason this is the thought that pops into my head.  If I turn this corner and there is a pack of wolves standing there, then I will be scared.  I mean some people believe that the shift is to a complete wolf replica.  I don’t.  I think that they turn into what I call “Knuckle Draggers”.  What is a Knuckle Dragger you say?  Ever seen Underworld or American Werewolf in Paris?  That is a Knuckle Dragger.  They are big.  They are hairy, they have wolf snouts, but they look like a cross between a Silver back, something out of a nightmare, and a wolf.  They have huge power font arms and shorter back legs.  They have huge claws to slash and hold you with.  Their teeth are like razors.  They are fucking scary things.  I call them Knuckle Draggers because they are mostly up right, but have to balance themselves with their arms.  In order to do this they actually put wait what is left of their knuckles and not on the finger tips because the finger tips have huge scary claws on them and basically, they would break and that would not be good.  Anyway, back to the thought I had, is that I would be scared if I turn this corner and there is a pack of wolves, but I will be scared shitless and curl up in a ball and cry if I turn this corner and I see a pack of Knuckle Draggers.  I am happy to report that I saw neither.  However the woman was getting ever close to me.   Why was she moving so fast?  Why was she following me?  What if she gets me?  I can’t die yet.  The world needs me!  Something tells me I have important work to do.  Fucking Lycans! 

As I inch closer and closer to the door, I start thinking I just have to get inside because if I get inside, she can’t come in.  Lycans can’t come in uninvited.  I pick up my pace.  I can see her in the glass now.  I get a little fast when it hits me like a kick to the ball sactual.   It’s not Lycans that can’t come in uninvited, that is VAMPIRES!  OH FUCK, I am screwed now she is going to bust thru the glass and get me.  I have to get all the way to the 5^th floor and find some silver.  I think for a moment wait, I have some silver around my neck, no wait that is most likely fake.  Fucking Lycans! 

As I reach the door, I notice she is closer.  However, she is also peeling off and heading to the other building.  Oh thank the old gods and the new.  I go inside.  More relaxed now.  I am like ok, I am inside now.  All should be ok.  However, at this point I make a b-line for the bathroom.  All this lycan excitement (plus two cups of coffee, two liters of water, and a smoothie) makes you have to make pee pee.  So, I open the door and walk in and I stop dead and whimper and I am pretty sure a little pee pee came out too.  Standing in front of me was a fucking big hairy Lycan!  No wait, he wasn’t a lycan, no, he was a man.  A pastry chef by the looks of him from the restaurant in the office building, but damn he was hairy.  Mean looking too.  Then again if someone looked and me took a step back, had the fear of the gods in his face, and whimpered after setting eyes on me, I would probably look mean too.  He asked me if he could get around me so he could go to work.  I said yes, but I never took my eyes off him as he walked out.  He was really, really hairy!  Fucking Lycans!

Later… Driving home, I looked out at the night sky and I saw another moon that looked full.  It was not completely full.  It was only 95% full and I wondered to myself what is the true cycle of the werewolf?  I literally contemplated this the entire way home.  I googled it and came up with nothing, but it was different in different mythos.  So did what I always do at these time, I turn to some information I got from some old friends Sammy and Dean of Supernatural.   I mean who would know better.  So, I pulled down there journal on monsters I had acquired and I searched.  They aren’t sure of the cycle and if they don’t know I wonder if any us really know.  It remains a mystery I guess.  You read this you must wonder do I really believe in Lycans and Vampires, and I say yes, 100% I do.  A lot of that is because I believe in the power of evolution.  Mainly though it is because I believe in my heart of hearts there are other worlds than these, and these myths and legends had to come from somewhere.  I believe they came from other worlds.  I believe the worlds are separated not by space, but walls, and plains of existence.  The walls of our world are thin.  Every day the ongoing carnage of our world weakens those walls.  It makes them ever so thin, and things get to cross over.  The more and more we plunge head first into chaos, the more and more crossing over there will be.  I have had a thought with me since I was a boy that a werewolf killed my best friend.  I have no idea where this came from.  Some say an over active imagination.   I think it happened to a version of me on another plan of existence.  However, I do hope if I ever meet a werewolf it is one from a plan of existence far and further away from ours.  Were they are civilized, like the one in Mr. Zevon’s song.  I would love to sit down with him over a huge bowl of Chow Mein and discuss the cycle of the weirdwolf.  For now though, I am working on my silver collection just in case.  Fucking Lycans!