In threes

Bad vibes on this afternoon in SFO.  They say bad things often come in threes so I should have been prepared to have a rocky week after I burned up my smoker. I should have been even more sure of it when two nights later the puppy through no fault of her own tried to take my eye out.  Amazing how good that looks already.  So, I should have been prepared for something else to raise its head and sure enough it did.  

I was in a meeting on Wednesday afternoon and my shoulder started to hurt a little bit, so occasionally I would rub my arm and say fuck my shoulder hurts.  I thought very little of it.  I'm pulling and nicking myself up all the time.  I constantly have neck and shoulder pain.  I've come to accept them as part of being morbidly obese and sleeping funny on my pillows and my arms.  I do normally sleep with my right arm pinned underneath me and my face planted straight down into the pillow.  

So when the pain came I rubbed it away. I after all give a very good rub down even to myself, um does that sound as awkward as it did when I typed it?

Anywho... It just annoyed me the rest of the day. So when I left work early on Wednesday at around 5:30 I was really thinking of my shoulder.

However that quickly changed once I was in the car and heading to San Jose at top speed, which in my car seems to be 65, well at least that is my most efficient speed. 

And ever since my return from home earlier in the fall all I do in the car is listen to sports radio.  Maybe it is playing in a fantasy football league.  Maybe it is spending time with Dad maybe me remember how much I loved sports talk and how back in the day I was a complete stat book especially full of baseball worthless knowledge. So ever since visiting the DOC I've been listening to ESPN radio and fox sports and any other sports radio I can get on XM.  

I flip thru the stations bc I still hate commercials and my fingers have become very familiar with the buttons of seek and scan.  

However on Wednesday night I was shocked that every time I went to change the station a sharp pain would rip through my right shoulder and neck.  The little pains from earlier had gotten worse since leaving.  However my discomfort had only begun.

By the time I got to the house in San Jose I couldn't lift my arm above my head.  I could almost get it up (hahaha) but not quite.  

So for the 3rd time in four days I debated calling 911.  The reason being they say if your are having a stroke (which I am at risk of) you can't raise your arms.  I couldn't raise my arm and I started to panic.  

Not only couldn't I raise my arm at this point it started to throb.  I was sittin g there trying to watch episode 1 and I couldn't enjoy it even though I fast forwarded thru the pod racing.  It was more of my arm killing me than the quality of the prequel.  So right before a duel of fates and hobble into my room puppy in tow.  

I lubbed my arm up with Ben-gay.  The. I took three Tylenol and headed for bed.  I couldn't lay in my side.  I couldn't lay on my stomach which is my comfort position.  So I laid on my back and I laid there and whimpered like a bitch.  

My arm killed me.  Really it did.  I couldn't get into a comfortable sport, no matter what I did.  And yes I was whimpering and every time I did Puppy would lay her head on me to try and make me feel better. 

Finally and I have no idea why I did this other than I keep my house ice cold, I got up and out on my black sith robe and went hood up and got back in bed.  The I took my right and and forced it through my robes belt and then tied my arm to my chest.  I have no idea why I did this.  But there I was in my bed with my arm tied to my tummy and this was the only place it felt ok.  

I think now I realized I had to tie it there bc my belly is so big that my resting arm won't stay on it easily.  However tied there it couldn't move.  And although this was painless it was the best I could do.  I also downed three more Tylenol but they never really helped.  Over the next 7.5 hours I was in and out of what I can only describe as a fever like sleep, bc I can't sleep on my back.  So I couldn't stay asleep.  My rest was shit to say the least.

First thing on Thursday morning I was at my therapists office asking for help!  My shoulder was in complete trauma.  The muscles in spasm and the joint inflamed.

We did a lot of pushing and pulling and moving this was and that and slowly and surely the shoulder started to loosen up.  Movement returned! Not pain free movement, but movement none the less.

We even did a little laser treatment.  No idea what it does but it felt good.  Really good!  

By the time I got to the office I was feeling much better.  Much much better!

And thru the day the pain kept reducing and reducing. I almost had full use by the time I got home.  

I went for another treatment first thing this am and at time of this writing I'm about 75% there is still pain lifting it over head and general soreness but I'll live and I'm on the mend.

Oh shit forgot about the picture up top.  That is me using a bag of frozen spinach to ice my shoulder.  I forgot the only thing that made my arm hurt less was to ice it. So I used like four ice packs through the night.  When I got up I was down to frozen blueberries and spinach.  I thought spinach could be helpful!

What I still have no answer for is what the hell happened to my arm. 

Was shiner bad on the leash, a little on Wednesday morning she pulled more than normal.

Did I hurt it when I grabbed her toy and pulled her around and she punched me in my eye?

Was is sleep if on it?

I don't know.  I really don't... I'm just glad the pain is going away.  

However last night sleep was poor again.  Tried to sleep on my back but that didn't work so I ended up sleeping on my left shoulder and even some on my tum.  

So I'm sitting here in SFO full of bad vibes.. 

I can't say if I'm depressed?  I'd expected a lot different four weeks than what I had over the last month.  Is it the world? I mean at every turn something else fucked is going on!  Hotel shooting, terrorism, fires in my back yard, cuts, and bad shoulders so who the fuck knows.  I'm just not feeling like me right now and I can't explain it.  I think I'm probably just sleepy, when I'm sleepy I get sad and grumpy.  Oh well I'll rest well tonight.  I always seem to on Friday's.  

Dog Fight

I sit here now and realize just how much I have been neglecting Shiner since she has been staying with me.  I know on Saturday I put more time into the Zombie Apocalypse than I did into here.   I also spent more time fighting a fire with her than I did walking her.  Sure I have had her chasing the ball around the house like crazy and also tug-O-war!  But sometimes dogs just need more love than that.  The situation finally came to a head last night and it was all over a bowl of Chili no less...

I got home last night and like every night I get home when Shiner is over I am greeted at the door with love and excitement.  Seriously, you can't help but feel loved and happy when someone is literally jumping for joy when you walk in.  That is what Shiner does when I get home.  She jumps up on me, like I had been gone for months.  She hops, no shit, she does hop! She runs in circles.  I talk to her in baby talk.  So, everything seemed normal.

Then I put my chili in the microwave and let is nuke while I went changed clothes started some laundry, did my business, etc... etc....

Then I come out get my chili out of the microwave and I cheese it up, I add my little oyster crackers.  And take it the table.  Then, I go and fill Shiner's water bowl up with water and gave her the kibble. Then I went back and sat down in front of my bowl of chili. 

I make some good chili several people who read this could testify, Billy b makes good Chili!  However, it is not worth fighting over.  So, I was surprised when Shiner followed me over tot he table as I sat down and put two paws up on the table and when I sat down we were eye to eye.  I had never see her do this before.

That is when shit got really weird.  "I am not gonna eat your stinking kibble!" She says.  "You come over every night and have these fancy good smelling meals and and I get kibble?  Really?"

Then she bent over my bowl planted her face in my chili and started eating it.

At this time I was not sure what I was more surprised by the dog talking or eating my chili?  WTF?

I told her NO, I said No Shiner, bad dog and I pulled the bowl of Chili away from her.  That was a mistake.  Because instead of her sitting down, pulling her ears down, and getting as close to the floor as possible like she normally does when she is acting bad and I call her on it, she clocked me in my eye! No shit! Hit me right in the eye and I saw stars!  I hadn't been hit like that since brother fights back in TH! 

I held my eye for a minute and I felt a warm trickle and I whipped and it was blood.  He paw had sliced into my eye lid.  She picture above. 

It was at this point, I was not sure what came over me.  It could have been the experience I have had fighting animals in the past, Buffalo's, the Goose, and a spider.  I can't really say, but instinct took over and I hit her back.  Then I came over the couch and....

That story is really going no where.  I tried, but it is not.  I can't even pretend that I would beat on and drop atomic elbows on puppy.  I mean who doesn't love this face?

So how did my eye get like this?

this is what happened.  Shiner and I were in bed.  She was rolled up in my left armpit with her back to me.  She was playing with Snakie, which is her really long snake toy.  She had previously handed it to me to, b/c we normally tug-O-war with it.  Or, I will yank it form her and then she will sit and wait for me to throw it and go fetch it.  That is what normally happens.  Last night when I grabbed it though.  She didn't let go of it.  She held on for dear life and as I pulled it she turned with the pull and her momentum brought her left paw right in my left eye.

It hurt like a son of a bitch.  I have not been punched in the eye in a long time. A really long time, but there it was.   I was hit in the eye.  I did see stars.  Shiner was running around trying to keep playing until she realized I was laying there holding my eye.  At first I was thinking no big deal right.  Maybe a black eye comes out of this, maybe not.  That is when I felt a little liquid and I thought omg, I got cut!

I went to the bathroom and I saw what you saw.  Except to me it look super deep and I was like seriously am I gonna have to call 911 again!  FUCK ME!  I mean really!  However, I was surprised about how little blood was coming out.  I mean with all the BP meds I take, when I get cut, I bleed like a fucking sieve.  I have slight cut my finger and saw no blood, only to find out the next morning from my roommate that I left a trail of blood reminiscent of a Tarantino movie.   No blood last night though.

So I do what I always do in these situations I texted Rachel and David and got there thoughts on it.  Both were like WTF happened.  I told them.    Rachel was very concerned about Puppy's well being.  Shiner is very hard on herself if she accidentally hurts you, she was fine, she kept playing with Snakey.  Which was good, it was an accident and she shouldn't feel bad about it.  Although I was a little creep-ed out that while I was getting out of bed and she started to lick the finger with the blood on it.  She will really eat anything.  So now am I not only worried about ZA but also a vampire dog!  What!

Anywho...  David texted and asked me if I washed it out, which, I think Rachel asked me too, but I am to lazy to look right now... and I was like shit I should do that.  Now... as you know from the flour incident, I am not the sharpest too in the shed.  However instead of mixing up Flour and Baking Soda this time, i mixed up hydrogen peroxide and rubbing alcohol. 

Ya, I am that... I have these alcohol filled pads for my shots and I thought it would be a great idea to open them up and apply to cut above my eye. 

IT FUCKING BURNED US, IT DID, OMG IT STUNG SO BAD... I YELPED... LIKE A SCHOOL GIRL BEING CHASED WITH A FROG!!!!

OMG the cleaning with the sterile pad was much worse than the cut itself.

So, when I was done with that, I was like maybe it was supposed to be hydrogen peroxide, so I said fuck it and put some of that on a piece of tissue and applied it again and held it there.  I felt nothing.  I think the rubbing alcohol made me immune to any and all pain. 

Anyway... after the cleaning... I went to bed.  and work up like this

My eye looks a little black in person. I know this b/c Sue asked me if I had a black eye, to which I of course replied, no, I have to brown eyes...  ha ha ha that was rich!!!!

So, i have survived my 2nd trauma of the week without needing to call 911!  Best of all Shiner and I are still BFF's!

Old Picture but still a good one....

Shiner was a good girl on her walk today!  Although she was very sad I had to go to work.  She actually ran into the garage this morning and sat by the car.  she didn't want me to go.  Instead of running in when I called for her she ran to the other side hoping she could get in that way.  It made me so sad.  I hate to have to leave her each day.  But i had to get her to come back in... and then she just looked so so sad about it.  However, tonight when I get home she is gonna go crazy again and happiness will ensue! 

Smoker Means Fire!

 "Feel my heat takin' you higher, burn with me, Heaven's on fire
Paint the sky with desire, angel fly, Heaven's on fire"

- Kiss, "Heaven's on Fire"
 
“Burn, burn, yes ya gonna burn 
Burn, burn, yes ya gonna burn 
Burn, burn, yes ya gonna burn 
Burn, burn, yes ya gonna burn” 
 

- Rage Against the Machine, "Bombtrack"

 


It was your average every day Sunday after a 21 hour Zombie Apocalypse binge.  I got up by 7, walked and feed the Puppy.  Went to the store and got stuff for chili, meat loaf, and muffins.  Went home, fought the urge to watch more TWD and turned on NFL Redzone. 

It is pretty typical for me to spend my Sunday on my bum bum during the football season, soaking in as much NFL as I possible can. Also, it is typical for me to have something in a crock-pot, grill, oven or smoker as well. 

So,  I debated with myself not only about the merits of watching the Zombie Apocalypse vs The NFL but also whether or not I should smoke the meatloaf or put it in the oven.  I would be lying to you if I said that the oven was my first choice if I was not worried the Zombies might some how find a way to get in my back yard. 

In the end, Smoked Loaf if the best loaf I make.  therefore, I decided I would smoke Zombies or no Zombies (Honestly, obsessed with this shit now and can't stop thinking about that show in case you couldn't tell).  So, after I did what I always do, I preheated the smoker until it started smoking, then I closed the lid and preheated it for 15 minutes.  Then I put my meat in it.  I set the kitchen timer for 1 1/2 hours and then I sat down and watch my Fantasy Team rack up 140 points (that is good in my league).

The timer goes off.  I get off the couch and decide to make my 2nd batch of muffins of the day.  As I walk into the kitchen to turn off the timer, I look out the kitchen window and  see that the smoker is only going at 100 degrees, which means hello dumbass u forgot the pellets. 

So, I got my meat thermo out and I went and checked the loafs temperature.  She was a balmy 165 degrees which meant she was done, and I in hindsight which is always 20/20 I should have just stopped there and been don with it.  However, I wanted to smoke it for another 20 minutes or so with the ketchup on the top.

So, I decided I would add more pellets and re-fire the smoker just like I always do.  So, I turned the smoker off.  I then added pellets, and then, I turned smoke back on.  The only difference between this time and every other time, is I decided to let the smoker pre-heat with Meat Loaf in it and turned the temperature up to 350.  What could the real harm be anyway, RIGHT?

So, I closed the lid. I walked back into the kitchen and I start getting stuff ready for my blueberry muffins.  I also set the kitchen timer for about 25 minutes.  Then I was busy blending my ingredients for the muffins and I decided to look out the window just to see and my jaw almost hit the ground when I saw the temperature on the grill was over 450.  I was trying to do the math in my head.  How was that even possible?  Part of me told me to let it go.  That is might just be running high because it was warming up.  Then I am like but if I topped it out at 350, how and why would it go 100 degrees over that?  It was also about this time I noticed the white smoke rolling out of the stack. 

I have never seen anything like it.  The smoke was thick.  Really thick and it just kept coming and coming and coming.  I told myself this shit isn't right.  So, I went out back and decided to turn the smoker off and unplug it.  Then I noticed smoke coming out of the pellet box and around the door. 

Not so good!

So, I opened the smoker lid and did what any reasonable person would have done and grabbed my meatloaf and set it on my actual grill.  Then I turned back and saw all this fire and smoke rolling out of the smoker.  It was crazy. 

So, I was like OK, I am going to close the lid again.  I didn't know what else to do.  I mean it is a smoker, won't the fire just die out? 

I went back in and went to work on my muffins.  Keeping on eye on the back yard.  And now more smoke was coming out and it was coming out in white with tinges of black plumes. 

I think it was at this point I realized I was in trouble.  I think it registered I had a full fledged fire going in my back yard and I got scared.  Really scared.  I didn't know what to do.  A normally some what crazy mind, but a rational one none the less, went fucking dumb, and as much as I would like to say i was calm over the next few minutes, I was not.  I lost my shit.  Only at this time and never again, I think based on this incident, the incident where I drove into the garage door, and falling and breaking my arm texting are perfect examples of just how fucked I would be in the Zombie Apocalypse.  I know what you are going to say, you going to say, but Billy b you took that test and it said would prosper in the apocalypse, but at work playing on facebook bill and facing the shit Bill are two different people. 

At this point the first thing I did was run to my bedroom and closed my bedroom door.  To stop the smoke from turning my bedroom into a snoop dog concert. 

Then I kept asking myself, hey dumbass, you have no fire extinguisher so what are you going to do about this fire.

Well, what was it the Beaver had told me to do with a grease fire?  Was it put flour on it?  No that couldn't be right could it?  I didn't know. I couldn't remember (for the recorded he said baking soda, but hindsight you know).

Do I call 911 and get the fire department here?

Do, I just wait it out and see if it spreads?

I told myself I had to put the fire out.  I had too.  It was necessary.  

So, I went to the kitchen, I pulled out two bags of Almond Flour and cut the tops off and I ventured back outside.  I also realize now that flour cooks and it was probably not the best thing to put on the fire, but hey, I was in a panic. 

So go out and I feel the handle and it is not hot, so I decide to pull the open the smoker door and as I do that, I hear this suck in of air and as I pull up the door of the smoker, I see flames literally jump all over the place.  the stack was on fire inside, all the grates were on fire, and underneath the grates as well.  I almost shit myself right then and there.

However, I did what I came out there to do.  I dumped flour all over the flames and all over myself and the back yard.  However, the smoke kept coming even though the flames died down again.  That is when I thought hey dumb ass, the fire lives on air, if you keep it open the flames are just going to keep coming.  So I slammed the door back down. 

I stood there being washed over by smoke.  I am not shitting you when it was all said in done I smelled like I had been camping and sleeping next to a bone fire. 

I realized, hey dummy get out of the smoke and close your living room door.  I cam in and shiner was sitting there looking at me, and her look was basically, Dude, lets get the fuck out of here.  But I couldn't go.  This was my home. That was my smoker and I love the fucking smoker. 

Still the smoke rolled out.  From the stack, from the sides.  At least it was no longer coming out of the pellet box. 

Then a thought hit me, if that fire spreads and hits your propane tank, your back yard is going to blow up worse than JPP's hand.  So I ran out back and grabbed both propane tanks.  Then all the wood pellets from the storage unit. 

Still, I stood there and thought what do I do.  What do I do?  I looked at Shiner and her look was clear, DUDE, Let's get the fuck out!

Still the smoke kept rolling out.  It was thick.  It was wicked. 

I told myself to call the 911.  Just call them.   Then I actually had this thought, can you believe it.  What will my neighbors say if I do that?  REALLY!  Did I really think that?  I was ashamed. 

However I was like you know what I can't loose my house.  So, I called 911.

The lady was very calm.  I am sure I was not.  She asked me if the fire was spreading.  I said no.  It was in my smoker and contained.  She asked me if anyone was hurt, I said they were not.  She said, would send the fire department. I said should I just go outside and wait on them, she said I should.

So, I finally took Shiner's advice and we got the fuck out.

I tried to Call the Beav, I tried to call home but go no answers.  I stood there and I could smell the burning and the smoker from the side walk. I kept thinking OMG what have I done.

Every now and then I would walk back in and check to see if it was still smoking and.. each time it was less and less.

That is when Captain something from the fire department called. He was very rational. He was like is the fire only in the smoker.  I said yes.  It hasn't spread. I said no.  I said the smoke is slowing down though.

He is like look I am here and I am ready to come.  however, if we come and hose that thing down it will only do more damage not less and if it is contained, then it should burn itself out if it hasn't already.

I told him and I made this call that I would have them not come and call back if the smoke hadn't stopped in the next few hours.  He said ok.

So, two hours later, the thing finally stopped smoking.  It finally stopped.  By the time El Beav sowed up at 6:30 it has started to cool down.

By this morning it was cold.

I don't think I will be smoking anything any time soon.  First, I am not sure if the smoker will recover.  Two, I am not two sure I should be around fire.

I don't know... all in all it was one hell of a scare.  I am exhausted today, I have very little in me.  The good thing is i am OK (except for being terrified of a zombie apocalypse)   and my house is OK.  El beav thinks the smoker will live to smoke another day. You have a look ...

finally, why is Shiner so Serious?  b/c she don't like fire! Just kidding that was pic from before the fire and she is just a serious girl with lots on her mind. 

Anyway, I am microwaving dinner tonight!

 

Not a blog

I got on here to talk about a year ago today.  To talk about what happened, how it happened, and why it happened.  However, I think given what has been going on in the world; I can spare the world some whining about the highs and lows of my eating disorder. 

 

Paris broke my heart on Friday.  There are no words to describe the atrocity that the French and humanity felt on Friday.  I have nothing inspiring to say about it.  I have no words of heeling.  I can just say it makes me very sad that the world is such a fucked up place.  

Then I started watching the Walking Dead on Friday night and somehow I find that very fitting show to watch with all the hate and sadness going on in the world.  I think it is a perfect look at the failure of man.  I have no idea how I became obsessed with the Zombie Apocalypse.  However, I have, I have been circling the Walking Dead TV show for the last year.  I think this finally came to a head when Fear of the Walking Dead started running commercials.  

I am a sucker for a great Post Apocalypse story: Cell; The Stand; and the Dark Tower Series are just a few that come to mind.  So, when I started thinking about the TWD, I figured I would probably like it.  So,  I told myself at 8 PM on Friday night I would watch just one episode and see if I like it, if I don’t or the Zombies scare me, then I won’t watch anymore.  Well, I finished season 1 about 1:30 a.m. on Saturday morning.  I not only loved the TV show, but I was obsessed with it.  I just couldn’t stop watching.  

Saturday became another 15 hours TV binge, only this time I wasn’t watching my normal all day college football bonanza, but rather all of Season 2 of the TWD and the first two episodes of season 3.  I was like a zombie but sitting on the couch in a trance.  The entire show, I keep thinking the lead character Rick just needs to keep his humanity.  He just needs to; he has to keep the dream alive of finding a place where in all the shit of what the world has come, that he could find some place for a good life.  With each episode you watch, you just see that humanity slipping away.  What a great show.  It really has me thinking.  

I am just rambling.  It seems like ever since I had my meds adjusted that is all I do.  I can’t really right anything because my concentration just jumps from one thing to another.  Maybe that is good from a mental perspective, but it isn’t going to help my writing career.