Thursday, October 11, 2018

Why do I hate Halloween?




I hate Halloween.  There is not question about it.  I hate October, because I hate Halloween.  I literally would rather it be summer and 100's out, than it be Halloween and less than 24 hours from my birthday and a celebration of just me.  For some reason today, I am actually asking myself why exactly do I hate Halloween?  Maybe hate is not the only word I should be using here.  Perhaps an better word to use is why am I scared of Halloween.  Or maybe it is a combination of the two.

Halloween is derived form a pagan ritual for the demon Samhain.  People would light fires, and cover their faces to ward off ghosts, and all sorts of ghoulish creators.  So simply I am could hate the fact we are celebrating the rise of this pagan creator who brings ghost and ghouls with him.  Now, seeing how I was terrified of Halloween long before the Supernatural Episode "It's the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester" I am going to assume that isn't the case.  However, it could be the costumes and the skeletons and spiders that come along with it?

I don't know how old I was when my mom first rented the movie Halloween.  I just know the laughing at the beginning and the carved pumpkin frightened me from the outset.  The theme music haunts me.  To this day I am terrified of Michael Myers.  The site of his mask makes me feel hopeless.  I have never even see one Halloween movie from start to finish. I don't want too, but the man haunts me.  He is my dreams from time to time and those dreams are awful.  I hate him.  I hate the look of him.  I have everything about him.  However, at the same time I am fascinated by him.  I don't want to see the new movie coming out but I do want to know what happens in it.  I remember one of my older brothers friends telling me he was possessed by the devil and he couldn't be killed other than by the hottest fires.  It made me ever more scared and hate him all the more.  Perhaps I hate Halloween because of Michael Myers, then again I am pretty sure I hated Halloween before that awful first experience of seeing little boy in the clown costume who just killed his sister.  I am serious that fucker haunts me, ugggg... i have no idea why but I hate it.

I was young.  It was Halloween, and I was being bad.  I don't remember what I did.  I just know  I was bad and I was bad enough that Dad had to get involved in the discipline and that is when you know you were really bad.  That night the discipline was he forced me to sleep in his closet in the dark, no night light.  It was awful.  I hated it.  I cried myself to sleep.  I felt I was left for dead.  Now,  you have to understand my Dad's closet is a triple walk in closet and very, very big.  It was a very bad night no matter that I had plenty of room to sleep. Could that be why I hated Halloween?  Probably not because I am sure I hated it long before that.

It wasn't the annual trip to Tennessee either that made me hate it.  I liked those trips to see the folks best friends.  It meant not having an opportunity to dress up for Halloween but it also meant I didn't have to go outside on Halloween.

6th Grade was the year of the year of the Satan Worshiper Scare.  It swept Terre Haute and I will never forget it.  It scared the hell out of me.  I remember there was a rumored Satanic Cult in Sullivan Indiana.  They were going to go out and collect people to sacrifice to their dark lord.  Apparently blondes with blue eyes were the preferred, but they would take just about anyone.  It made a day I hate even worse.  I remember waking up the next day and being grateful that me and my family had been spared.  I also couldn't understand how people actually when out trick r treating that night.  However people were out and doing it.  Two of my class mates tried to get me out of there that night. 
No way I was going.  I suffered in fright at my house.  Long before 6th Grade I hated Halloween. 

I think I was just always scared.  At times I was scared of my own shadow.  So a day that celebrates ghost, goblins, and ghouls just highlighted that.  I always thought something was going to get me.  I would sleep holding onto my bed, afraid something would ripe me out of bed.  I would close my eyes and see the monsters around me.  Waiting, waiting for me to let go.  So, Halloween just highlighted my anxieties of something getting me and killing me or taking me away. I was a really scared little kid.

To this day, I absolutely hate Halloween.  It is not so much the ghost, goblins, and ghoulies that freak me out now.  It is really the struggle I think all man face between good and evil.  There is just something so scary to me about people dressing in costumes.  Thinking about them walking around my neighborhood and coming to my door like zombies and drones just is not a happy feeling.  Thinking that some freak with a mask could come into my home and try to hurt me and my girls.  I don't why.  It is just something that is a like a scratch in the back of my mind. I just wish some how I could skip October 31and go from the 30th to 1st of November. 

I don't know... this all seems a little funny to a man who loves Stephen King and his favorite TV is the first 5 seasons of Supernatural and wants to tell Ghost stories of his own. 






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