otitis externa and obession with the three rings

The last week has been a blur to me for the most part equal parts obsession and pain.  It really all started on Monday afternoon from what I can remember.  When I had this small pain right behind my right ear.  It felt like there was a tightness or some swelling going on.  I did what I normally do in these situations I ignored it, said it was probably just allergies and then shoved a Q-tip in my ear as far I possible could and tried to mine for ear gold, I failed, there was nothing to mine.  So, I went about my business.  Until later that night my Apple watch popped up a weekly report that said I had achieved all my goals for the week except I missed on Tuesday (a known rest day), Thursday (Solo Day)  and Saturday (Wait, what the fuck, Saturday?)  No no no, I did a work out, I got my thirty minutes of exercise.  This was some bull shit.


So I scrolled back thru the watch and noticed that yes each day last week I had hit my stand goal.  Which is simply just making sure you are up moving around for a minute of so each day for 12 days. Then I went back and saw exercise: Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday (memorial day), so why in the fuck didn't I get my three rings.  Well apparently on Saturday I didn't burn enough calories.  My goal is 1390.  I am not 100% sure why that is my goal, but it came from some where, I don't know but it has been programed into my watch since inception.  I can't recall, what I can recall was being pretty pissed that I didn't achieve my goal on Saturday when I had worked out and worked out pretty good.  I just magically assumed if i did my workout goal, that I would make my calorie goal and all three rings would be closed.  You would think for someone who hadn't paid a bit of attention to the closing of the rings for the first year he wore the watch that it wouldn't be that big of a deal, oh but it was, and oh it would be. 


Tuesday the ear wasn't right.  It just didn't feel good.  It felt clogged, I couldn't hear out of it, i would have moments of pain and most of all I just couldn't stop touching it or rubbing at it or picking at it.  All day long, meeting after meeting, i would rub on my ear.  A few people told me to go to the doctor, but I knew I didn't need too, I just needed some swimmers ear and all would be right with the world.  So, I had an employee pick me up some at lunch.  I added it into the ear and there was not tingling, not pop, no nothing.  It just felt like I had added molasses to my ear. I spoke to everyone who would talk to me at work about ear infections and swimmers ears.  I got a tone of advice.  I even had one employee tell me they once found a mushroom growing in his ear.  The most consistent advice was go see a doctor. 


I was not going to go to the doctor. I just didn't think I needed too.  I thought it was silly.  I have had swimmers ear before and I never went.  Then some pointed out to me that urgent care for Stanford/Valleycare was literally in our office parking lot and I could just walk over there and see if there was a line. So, I did.  There was not line.  I checked in.  I sat, I waited for about 10 minutes, nurse came and got me.  She was cute, I tried to flirt, I did not do so well at it.  The doctor came in, looked in my ear and said OMG,  you have an ear infection.  Your ear is actually redder than this, he pointed to the crimson on the Stanford logo, and I knew that was pretty red.  He gave me some antibiotics and some norcos.  I scoffed at the pain meds.  Why the hell would I need pain meds?  In less than 24 hours I would know why.


The other thing he gave me was note excusing me from work.  I had never actually had one of those before and he said I was going to need it for rest.  Again, I was scoffing at this man internally. I would need no time off from work.  Well at the time of this writing I am on my fourth sick day and regretting my scoffing for sure. 


When I work up on Wednesday I knew something was terribly wrong.  My ear felt clogged, like someone had blown up a balloon in my ear and it was wanting to pop but wouldn't.  That is how it felt most of the day.  Then the needle poking started.  Not really but it is what it felt like that someone was poking my inner ear with a needled.  The needle to a knife by mid afternoon, but I was still able to sleep on Wednesday night. 


As I lie in bed on Wednesday night I looked down at my watch and noticed that stand ring was closed, workout ring was closed (knife or no knife I did a little weight lifting in the back yard), but the calorie ring was not closed.  I flipped back to Tuesday and somehow I had closed all three rings, could have been the water bottle workout i did at my desk, but I don't recall now.  Monday's had been closed too.  So, now I had to get Wednesday done.  However, I was tired and I was in pain.  I needed to 200 calories.  So, i did what any rational person would have done, i started to jazzercise in my bed.  Well not really.  However, i started to do arm curls with no weights, bench presses, and flies.  I think I did these for a total of 20 minutes or so and finally the stupid calorie ring closed itself off.  I would do better the next day.


The knife in my ear turned to a Katana blade on Thursday and I knew there would be no work for me.  What I didn't know is one hour of sleep was waiting for me that night and  I would finally break down and start using the pain medication.  It was also the first time I noticed I was getting a nice gross liquid out of my ear.  It was disgusting.  Thursday was laying around resting, but god damn it I would have my workout ring closed.  So, to the cooler I went, and pain or no pain, I squatted, I kicked, I tapped, I shrugged and the cooler workout was completed.  I still had another 500 calories to burn though but I figured it would just happen over the course of the day.  It shouldn't be at all surprising that when I went to bed I was 300 calories short of my my goal for the day.  And even with every turn of my head being extremely, extremely painful, I started to do my bed time exercises again.  I have learned that of all the in bed exercises the one that seems to do that best is the fly curl as I call it.  However, I added leg stretches, leg lifts, leg kicks and butterflies to the workout.  After another 20 minutes of moving or so, i got to my goal. 


I know what you are thinking.  Why not just get up and walk around.  The answer is b/c when I go to bed  am fucking tired and I don't feel like I can give anymore.  If you are saying that, then you are saying that you are actually cheating and not really earning those calories being burned.  I say to you suck it, i move, i burn calories, I get credit, who cares when and how I do them. So, shut up you!


Friday morning after one hour of sleep and taking Kona to the day care, I decided to call the GP and go see her.  The pain in my ear was to much to stand.  Also, when I couldn't sleep thursday night I forced a few Q-tips in and some swimmer ear ear drops and well it only made things worse.  The ear canal gods were anger and the pain they rained down on my was fierce.  By the way the Qtip might be the most disgusting thing I ever saw when it came back out.  It literally had blood on it and some other liquid, I can only assume was liquid ear wax or puss, either way, can you say ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.


The doctor is an angel of the gods.  Truly, I love that women. Well other than when she forced her ear looker thing into my ear canal which was swollen shut.  That part hurt, hurt really, really bad.  However, she confirmed I had otitis externa or ear canal infection.  She told me my ear was so swollen that she could barely see the drum.  She was going to give me a more powerful antibiotic and a steroid ear drop.  I wanted to hug her b/c I knew any thing would have to be better than what I had.  By end of day Friday even with ear drop and steroid the entire right side of my face still hurt.  However, once again my rings would not be denied.  I did a 30 minute workout on the cooler of course.  Then in bed I had to do ten minutes of fly curls and then rings closed.  


Saturday I woke up and my ear was still clogged but it was getting better the ear was still super sensitive to the touch but it was getting better and the pain was reseeding.  i could now only feel it in my inner ear and not longer in my check and neck.  I celebrated Saturday with a 40 minute workout on the cooler of course.  I burned all my calories well before bed time too.  Little yard work helped out with that.  


Sunday the ear was even better.  Still sore to the touch but no more throbbing pain.  No more sudden moments of suddenly feeling like someone was jabbing me with knife in the ear drum.  The ear was and is still clogged but so much better than it was.  I came off the pain killers every four hours on Sunday.  That one smacks you a little bit on a the way down and moved OTC Tylenol a few times a day.  I prepped tow meals for the week.  Then I cranked out another cooler workout and by the time I was done with dinner on Sunday night my watch went off letting me know all three goals had been achieved and I had the first perfect week I have had with my apple watch.


Home again today.  I needed the sleep.  Friday was only 3 hours of sleep and Saturday was better but the painkillers made me itchy and it was not quality sleep.  I need another rest day, plus I had hoped my ear would unclog today, but it looks like it won't and that is ok, I will keep taking my antibiotics and ear drops and I see the doctor again neck week.  


I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am about last week.  Not the ear infection and the recovery, b/c those are two things, I would never wish on anyone.  I have not felt pain like that in a very long time. I would have to go back to my elbow surgery to come close.  Even my worse stomach pain earlier this year was nothing compared to the horror of ottis externa.  What  am excited about is all week I never broke my detox, no matter how many times i wanted to turn to food as the comfort for the pain in my ear.  Also, that I am aware of my movements and calorie burns and that I do more active stuff to reach my goals.  I find it important to do it.  I really don't know what has gotten into me lately, I am just laser focused  and wanting to do the right thing for me.  If I can do it thru extreme pain and illness I can do it through anything.   =)

Three Day weekends and the Rise of the Cooler workouts!!!

Three Day weekends and the Rise of the Cooler workouts!!!

Would you believe if I told you I was actually on a four 3.5 day weekend right now?  Yes it is true.  I have I took a half day Friday.  It was marvelous.  I got to the pool for much needed backstroke workout, followed by 20 plus minutes of in pool flexibility work you know just your walking forward and backwards, high knees, side step, butt kickers, and fart licks.  Ask me about the last one sometime and I will tell you about it.  That was followed up with one of the best massages I have ever had.  Warm Touch Massage and Inti really knock it out of the ball park.   It is like when I used to see Manny for massages, a love hate relationship, love because of the relief I am getting, hate because some times to get that relief you have to have your ass kicked a little bit.  Now that is just about a perfect day off and I want more of them.

The truth is really this has been my third long weekend in a row.  Yes, yes one of those was working from home and the morning was really busy, and I had calls in the afternoon but working from home isn’t so bad.  Kona monkey was at day care and I was able to get to the pool early, which was nice.  Plus it allowed me to sleep in bit which after having 7 a.m. calls multiple times during the week is needed.  The next week I just decided I wanted Friday off, it was the first time in I don’t know how long I didn’t have a call with Big Brother.  Big Brother is what I have come to call them b/c it feels like they are always watching.  I had seen Deadpool 2 the night the before (loved it!!) and I wanted to sleep in, so I got up at 7:40 took Kona to day care, came back, had a personal call from 8 – 9 and then I went back to bed till noon.   I can’t remember the last time I had slept till noon.  It was fantastic.  I loved it!  Then I went to the pool spent an hour and half in the water and then went and met Inti for the first time and really got my ass kicked.

So I have been pretty spoiled the last few weeks and I love it.  I am starting to think man was not meant to work 5 days a week.  I think four is plenty.  Then again work and I, and how I want to do it is a completely different conversation for a different day.  One we don’t want to go into right this second. I don’t have the time and or energy to go into it right now, and I really am not sure I want to share that publically yet.  Let’s just say if at 42 I am having a mid-life crisis it is, well, leaving it alone. 

The next few weeks are going to be hard, when I have to go back to working five days a week.  Ugh.  The thought of it just sickens me.  Oh wait, I only have to work four days this week!!! Whoot! Whoot!  How exciting.  Well after that it is going to suck balls, until we hit July 4^th weekend and I get not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4 but a 5 day weekend!!  That is going to kick ass!

Something interesting happened last Sunday.  I was sitting out with Kona in the back yard and sunning myself.  I love sitting in the sun.  Tanning my body is one of my favorite past times.  I put it up there with grilling, writing, and the like.  I love the feel of the sun on my skin.  Since I have started adding podcasts to my routine it has become even better. 

I will admit though, tanning can be a bit boring.  Sitting outside with Kona can be a bit boring.  It’s not like she wants to go out there and play.  No, she wants to go out there and lie down and chew at the grass.  She is like a god damn Billy goat that one her grass grazing.  After a year of doing this a few weeks ago I broke down and bought a lawn chair and a table for the back yard.  I made sure they were portable b/c they come in after every use, b/c I am not gonna let the spiders get them.  Stupid spiders and there nonstop spinning webs on everything in the back yard.  God I hate spiders.  Plus a lawn chair will be a lot more comfortable than what I have sat on for the last year and a half. 

A cooler, a big igloo cooler, a blue one with a white top is what I have sat on for the last year and a half.  It’s true.     I have lawn chairs out back, but they are covered with cobwebs and when I clean them off the next day they are re-spun.  Plus, I am fat, and well I am 99% sure that If I sit in one of the chairs left behind for me from the previous owner, it is gonna break in half.  I just don’t trust the design. 

So about a year ago, I bought my own chairs.  You know those camping like chairs.  The ones that fold up and you put in a little bag.  I got them to support my weight.  I had some before and I loved them.   Well the ones I bought must have been for Ents or Giants or something really tall.  Whenever I sat down in them my feet wouldn’t touch the ground and the chair would cut into the back of my legs.    So I said fuck it.  I will just sit on the igloo cooler and for a year and a half it worked.  However, two or three weeks ago my back started to hurt and I wondered if it was not from sitting on this cooler with no good poster for multiple hours on multiple weekends.  So I gave in and bought me a nice lawn chair.  It is beautiful.  It is comfortable too.  It just got here this week and I gave it a test drive yesterday, loved it.  Burnt my tummy but that is ok. 

Anyway last weekend on Sunday, I was feeling a little guilty I hadn’t left the house.  Now, let’s remember I spent last Sunday cooking chili and tacos so it was not as if I did nothing.  I also did all my laundry as well.  However, I just hadn’t left the house to go to the pool.  It wasn’t on the schedule.  However, I still felt like I should get a work out in?  No.  That wasn’t right; I wanted to get a workout in.

So, I said why not.  If you want to do some movement what is stopping you.  So, sitting on my trusty cooler I decided to stand up and sit down 12 times.  Look for a fatty like me sitting down and standing up isn’t an easy feat.  Then I sat back down I did ten raises of my arm straight out to my shoulders, making a t shape.  Next I did twelve shoulder thingies where I pulled my shoulders to my ears, then twelve arm curls, then twelve shoulder presses, then twelve dumb bell like lifts where I pulled out in front of me (dumbbell raises?).  I did this three times each and it took about 20 minutes or so.  I like it.  So I asked Rachel if I should by some dumbbells and make good use of my time outside with Kona.  She said yes.  So weights were order and the birth of the cooler workout began. 

I have done the cooler workout twice this long weekend Saturday and Monday.  Sunday I went to the pool for an hour and did my flexibility exercises, but I added ankle weights this time around.  Made things a little easier b/c it held me down in the water when I took a step but also hard b/c I had ankle weights on and even if they were only a pound it made a difference. 

Anyway the cooler workout evolved as I watched more and more you tubes about sitting dumbbell workouts.  What was finally constructed was a thirty minute workout that goes something like this.

Grab two 5 lbs dumbbells (I bought 10 lbs too but let’s start where we start I haven’t lifted weights in like 10 years maybe?).  Then I got pound and a half ankle weights.  That is right I am going nuts on the ankle weights, anything to give my big ole doughy body resistance.  Then I go went out back with my flex ball and my cooler. 

Starting out on the flex ball I did the following routine 3 times.

-          Bench press making a table out of my body 12 times.

-          Fly 12 times still making a table out of my body.

-          Then I got into a squatting position using the ball the prop me up and did 12 incline presses.

-           

Then the big black ball goes into the house and I strap on the ankle weights and sit down on the cooler.  Kona comes over to play but I have to ignore her unless I am on one of my minute brakes in between my three cycles. 

The cooler routine goes like this three times each:

-          Stand up and sit down while holding the dumbbell.    I try and make sure my knees don’t go over my toes like a good squat motion.   This is done 12 times.

-          Then I do lateral raises 12 times.

-          Then I do shoulder shrugs 12 times.

-          Then I do overhead press 12 times.

-          Then I do shoulder rolls 12 times.

-          Then I do front raise 12 times

-          Then I do foot tapping pulling my toes up as high as I can.  I do it 24 times to start then go up by each time I do it, I got up to 80 today.

-          Then I do curls 12 times.

-          Then I do these leg lifts where I just pick my foot up, curl the toe and kick out and put it back down 12 times for each leg.

-          One minute break, play with dog, and then do it again.

I got to the end both days I did it and realized, I forgot my triceps extension.  So I do it three times and each time in between I rotate between my toe taps and my leg kicks.

The toe taps for me are a life saver.  When I used to marathon I would get really tight in the shins and calves.  My coach told me to start toe tapping and do it at my desk and much as I could.  Shin and calve issues when away.  So while it might not be a conventional activity it is always part of my routine. 

Time to start smoking!

That is meat smoking, silly, not smoking, smoking.

Happy Long Weekend!!

12 50’s

I told you I was tired.  I was standing in the hallway at work yesterday and an employee was talking to me and I felt like I blacked out.  I suddenly couldn’t remember where I was or what was being said.  Sure five hours of sleep didn’t help, lack of sugar didn’t either.  I was so tired.  I stumbled a little on my feet and swayed.  The employee asked me if I was ok and I shrugged it off.   However, I decided that the gym was out, M,W,F the pool was ritual, but I was too tired.   I turned towards another employees cube and waddled that way. 

I sat down and I hoped that Nate would tell me dude you are too tired just go home.  It is what I wanted to hear because I felt like I was.  I didn’t want to go swim.   I just wanted to go sit my fat ass down on the couch.  I wanted to get to bed early.  I wanted a lot of things but mostly I wanted someone else to tell me it is was ok to miss a workout.  If someone agreed with me, then I could put that little voice in my head that said you’re just making an excuse not to go, you know that right.

I looked at Nate and I said, I am tired, I can barely move.  He said you need to go home and get rest.  It was what I wanted to hear.  So at first I was happy.  I said I am so tired I am going to skip the gym tonight.  He looked at me, and said, is today an extra day or is it a planned day.  I said planned.  He said well if you are tired you should go home and rest.  However, I didn’t really believe him when he said it, or was it that the voice in my head was saying, dude really too tired to swim?  Come on. 

So I said it out loud.  “What if I am tired, but not too tired to swim and I am just using being tired as an excuse not to go to the gym.”  Nate turned away from his laptop and looked at me for a minute or two.  Turned backed typed something, and then looked over again.  Nate is an employee, but I also call him friend so I respect what he has to say.  However, I was pulling for him to be passive aggressive and tell me just to go home.    His response was something to the extent of “I don’t know what you should do but I can almost guarantee if you go to the pool, you are going to feel better.  I think any remaining air I had in me, was completely sucked out of me at that point because tired or not, sick or not, it really didn’t matter there was one fundamental truth and that is when I go to the water, I feel better.

I stood up and cursed him for not being any help.  I told him to pack up his stuff and let’s go home.  It was after 6 anyway.  We got to the parking lot and I couldn’t find my car.  I also couldn’t hear the conversation Nate was having with another co-worker.  I was just so god damned tired.  I finally remember where I parked, I told the gents good bye and I waddled to my car. 

I climbed into it and I fired it up.  I love Snowflake she sounds like a space ship revering up when I hit the power button.  An all too familiar battle started in my head “to go” or “not to go”?  I pulled out of the parking lot with the battle going back and forth.  The sleep kept creeping in from me on all sides and I was straining to keep my eyes open.  I wanted to go home.  Who cares and who would know if I missed a scheduled swim?  The answer to that was all too easy, I would. 

I would know that I let myself down.  I knew that if I was alert enough to be asking the question in the back of my mind of using tiredness to get out of a workout, then perhaps there was some truth to what I was doing.  I told myself  had to get up early on Thursday, I told myself I still had to cook dinner, I needed to see my dog, and I needed to be in bed early, all the things that tell me it is ok to not honor an agreement I made with myself. 

That is when a new voice came into my head.  It was quiet and somewhat peaceful and it just simply said “It is boob night and boob night is the easiest of all my swim sets.”   I have been calling my breaststroke workout “boob night’ for as long as I have kept this blog.  The truth is breaststroke is my best stroke and b/c of how you breathe during breaststroke it is my strongest.  Free Style I am forcing myself to bi-lateral breathe and that has become a nightmare stroke.  Backstroke is backstroke and while I was a kid I was king of the backstroke.  As a fat middle aged man, it is hard for me, gets me wheezing like an old goat.  However, Boob stroke, well that is pretty enjoyable.  I work hard but the motion is easy for me and the breathing is easy for me.  Maybe just maybe I could do some boob stroke.

The next thing I said to myself is you don’t even have to do your flexibility exercises after you swim.  Just give me 600 yard of breaststroke.  That is all.  No more, not less.  30 minutes max.  You can do that.  Can’t you? 

I was unsure.  I was tried you see.  I didn’t want to go.  However, I kept talking to myself.  You just need to go and 24 laps, 600 yards.  It is nothing.  It is a drop in the bucket.  You don’t have to do drills.  You don’t have to follow a routine.  No pulls, no kicks, and not drills, just swim 600 meter breaststroke.   That is easy, it just a few 50’s (a fifty being down and back in the pool).  How many is that.  I looked for my phone to do the math.  Yes, I am CPA that can’t do math, suck it.  I realized I was driving and I would not look at my phone.  So in my tired mine, I started doing division.   It took me a moment but I figured out that 50 went into the first two numbers of 600, which is 60, one time.  I was cooking with gasoline now.  So the remainder of 60 minus 50 would be, what would it be now, it would be 10.  Yes ten was the left over.  Then If I drop down the zero, then I have one hundred.  Then I found myself yelling in the car very excitedly 50 goes into 100 twice that is a two.  So if I have 1 and 2 I have 12.  That means I have to do 12 50’s to get to 600.  I can do 12 50’s can’t I?  I mean I can, right?  Yes, I was sure I could. 

So, I took the next exit and headed to the pool.  I just kept telling myself I can do 12 50’s.  I can do it.  12 50’s I got this.  I repeated it over and over in my head until I got to the parking lot. I got out.  My body said no, let’s go home.  Tired!

I was at the gym therefore nothing was going to stop me from going in and doing what I came to do.  12 50’s I could do that.  I stumbled my way into the locker room after getting yelled at by the front desk for not properly checking in and stilling towels.  I got all changed and ready to go.  12 50’s I can do this. 

I walked out to the pool.  A dude was in my favorite lane and I hated him for it.  So, I took the third lane over and walked to the other end of the pool.  12 x 50’s I can do this.  I always walk to the deep in and then just jump in.  That way I don’t run the risk of jarring my knees.   I noticed the asshole in my lane walking to the middle of the pool and diving under.  What was he doing?  I jumped in. 

There is something about the pool that transforms me from a limping fatty to a graceful fish.  It also changed me from someone who was exhausted to someone who had a little pep in his step.  It was not simply the freezing cold water either waking my ass up.  As I walked back to my goggles and water in the shallow end, I started to come alive and I decided 12 50’s is all I needed to do, but that didn’t mean I had to do them in a specified order.  So I decided to swim a pyramid.  I went: 50, 100, 150, 150, 100, 50 and it felt amazing.  By the end my chest was sore as fuck and my arms were tired but I did it.  Each stroke I felt stronger and stronger.  I was so happy I was there and in the pool.

Then after the swim, I put on my aqua socks and did another 20 minutes of flexibility exercises.  I walked just about every way you can walk in the pool.  Forwards, backwards, side step, butt kickers, fart licks, and even walked high knees.  Man I was on a roll.  I was like I should go ahead and so my strengthening kicks and maybe some stretching too.  However, I did look at that time and it was 15 past 7 and I had been in the water for 50 minutes.  I did still need to go home and cook dinner and play with my puppy that was no lie.  So I departed the pool.  I showered.  I dressed.  I went home.  I cooked.  I ate on plan.  I played with my monkey dog.  I crawled into bed around 10 last night after putting Kona in bed.  According to the sleep watch I didn’t actually fall asleep until after 11 and I was up again at 4:15… However, that is all good.  Solo tonight, 7 a.m. call tomorrow, and then an 8 o’clock call, then I hang out at work till noon and then I am ghost for a long ass weekend! 

the next 90

The Next 90…

I am tired.  I can’t keep my head up tired.  However, I also stuck in the office.  I look over at my couch longingly and wish I could lie down and rest, however, I think sleeping in the office is generally frowned upon.  I ache and I am bone weary.  I have trouble keeping my head up.  Why am I so tired?

It could quite possibly be that I was wide awake in bed at 4 a.m. this morning.  Five hours of sleep isn’t really what I am striving for these days, but sometimes that is all I can get.    Perhaps stress one might say but my stress level has been manageable lately.  Could it be I am in the middle of a mid-life crisis?  I don’t think so. I mean I don’t think that is why I am tired.  I know I am in the middle of a mid-life crisis.  So what else has plagued me so?

Then I remember we are 61 hours into our detox.  Detox you ask?  What detox do you speak of?  Then I remember I have neglected my blog.  I have neglected my reader.  Mostly though I just have not taken care of myself very well and I had been hitting the carbs and sugar pretty hard.  So, I decided it was time to do something drastic.  So, I talked to my life coach, we plotted it out, and decided I was going clean for 90 days.  I was once again going to get off my white devil powder.  Well to be more specific there will be no processed sugar, no artificial sweetener, no stevia, no honey, no agave, no coconut sugar, and no fruit except berries (black, blue, and rasp.  To date I have stayed away from the Straw but have not really committed to that one, so after further review, off the Strawberry too. There shall not be any potatoes (red, white, Yukon, hashed, or frenched and fried). No bread. While I can have cheese it has to local cow, goat, or sheep queso. No Fast food.  Should have been a given but I have a problem with the drive thru a bad one.  There shall be no processed foods, frozen, or prepackaged food.  Well unless the said prepared food has less than 4 ingredients or less and I must be able to pronounce and know what each one is.  I am supposed to write down or take photos of food before I eat it but to be honest 8 meals into this detox I have not remembered, but that changed at lunch today.   

So, it hit me like a ton of bricks this afternoon that I am withdrawing.  It was clear when the headache started or at least clear to me.  Ever since Monday, I have been slipping down into this bone weary tiredness I do a shit job of describing above.   My recovery from my swims seems slow.   I have felt a bit sick to my tummy as well. I have not seen purple dragons or unicorns yet, so that is good. 

Honestly, I was supposed to make this type of commitment back in March and I did for a little bit, but I never stuck with it.  I could name a thousand reasons why:  the acquisition, the job, the loneliness, whatever you want to call it.  The biggest was just lack of definition, buy in, and  setting myself up for success. 

Whatever it was matters not now.  What matters now is I am committed to this.  I am in for the long haul and we will see where the next 90 days takes us.  I know this will be much better once I get thru the first few days.  I also know I can do this b/c I want to do this.  For the first time in a really long time I am excited about my program and wanting to succeed at it.

I also realize that I have to figure out where satisfaction in my life is going to come from.  That is critical.  If I am dropping the pleasure that door dashing Baskin Robbins gives me, what do I replace that with?  Lucky for me, I am already thinking about this and have come p with the following list of things I could do:

Write

Play with Kona

Read

Do a puzzle

Get my guitars back out

Journal

Plan vacation

What sunrise/set

Look at cloths I will be wearing once I get my weight down

Watch swimming techniques on YouTube

Watch other learning videos on YouTube

Listen to a Pod Cast, this is my new thing, I am very late to this game

A game of solitaire

Meditate

Exercise

Go to the pool – there is nothing I love more than being in water

Cook

Listen to music

Massage

I love it when a plan comes together!!!