the next 90

The Next 90…

I am tired.  I can’t keep my head up tired.  However, I also stuck in the office.  I look over at my couch longingly and wish I could lie down and rest, however, I think sleeping in the office is generally frowned upon.  I ache and I am bone weary.  I have trouble keeping my head up.  Why am I so tired?

It could quite possibly be that I was wide awake in bed at 4 a.m. this morning.  Five hours of sleep isn’t really what I am striving for these days, but sometimes that is all I can get.    Perhaps stress one might say but my stress level has been manageable lately.  Could it be I am in the middle of a mid-life crisis?  I don’t think so. I mean I don’t think that is why I am tired.  I know I am in the middle of a mid-life crisis.  So what else has plagued me so?

Then I remember we are 61 hours into our detox.  Detox you ask?  What detox do you speak of?  Then I remember I have neglected my blog.  I have neglected my reader.  Mostly though I just have not taken care of myself very well and I had been hitting the carbs and sugar pretty hard.  So, I decided it was time to do something drastic.  So, I talked to my life coach, we plotted it out, and decided I was going clean for 90 days.  I was once again going to get off my white devil powder.  Well to be more specific there will be no processed sugar, no artificial sweetener, no stevia, no honey, no agave, no coconut sugar, and no fruit except berries (black, blue, and rasp.  To date I have stayed away from the Straw but have not really committed to that one, so after further review, off the Strawberry too. There shall not be any potatoes (red, white, Yukon, hashed, or frenched and fried). No bread. While I can have cheese it has to local cow, goat, or sheep queso. No Fast food.  Should have been a given but I have a problem with the drive thru a bad one.  There shall be no processed foods, frozen, or prepackaged food.  Well unless the said prepared food has less than 4 ingredients or less and I must be able to pronounce and know what each one is.  I am supposed to write down or take photos of food before I eat it but to be honest 8 meals into this detox I have not remembered, but that changed at lunch today.   

So, it hit me like a ton of bricks this afternoon that I am withdrawing.  It was clear when the headache started or at least clear to me.  Ever since Monday, I have been slipping down into this bone weary tiredness I do a shit job of describing above.   My recovery from my swims seems slow.   I have felt a bit sick to my tummy as well. I have not seen purple dragons or unicorns yet, so that is good. 

Honestly, I was supposed to make this type of commitment back in March and I did for a little bit, but I never stuck with it.  I could name a thousand reasons why:  the acquisition, the job, the loneliness, whatever you want to call it.  The biggest was just lack of definition, buy in, and  setting myself up for success. 

Whatever it was matters not now.  What matters now is I am committed to this.  I am in for the long haul and we will see where the next 90 days takes us.  I know this will be much better once I get thru the first few days.  I also know I can do this b/c I want to do this.  For the first time in a really long time I am excited about my program and wanting to succeed at it.

I also realize that I have to figure out where satisfaction in my life is going to come from.  That is critical.  If I am dropping the pleasure that door dashing Baskin Robbins gives me, what do I replace that with?  Lucky for me, I am already thinking about this and have come p with the following list of things I could do:

Write

Play with Kona

Read

Do a puzzle

Get my guitars back out

Journal

Plan vacation

What sunrise/set

Look at cloths I will be wearing once I get my weight down

Watch swimming techniques on YouTube

Watch other learning videos on YouTube

Listen to a Pod Cast, this is my new thing, I am very late to this game

A game of solitaire

Meditate

Exercise

Go to the pool – there is nothing I love more than being in water

Cook

Listen to music

Massage

I love it when a plan comes together!!!