Return of the Blogger

Return of the Blogger…

 

Tonight is Jedi, it has been a four weekend process but tonight and tomorrow night I finish the legendary space opera know as Stars Wars.  My viewing pattern was a little different this time.  I started with Rogue One (which I love), then went on to Star Wars proper, and then to Empire.  At that point I did a flash back to the prequel trilogy and at the same time I started watching the Clone Wars cartoon (two days in bed with a stomach bug helped greatly with that cartoon). 

There are some good things in the prequel trilogy.  Qui-Gon Jinn was one of those things.  Ewan McGregor was another one; man really does bring Obi-wan to life.  The dual of fates at the end of Menace complete with the blood splattering up when Obi-wan cuts Maul in half.  It is hard for me to find a lot of positives in Attack of the Clones.  I actually dreaded last week’s viewing of this and Sith.   IT felt more like an obligation to watch than a viewing pleasure.  As a dedicated fan I sat down and I did my duty.  Obi-wan is awesome in Clones, which I can’t help but call Clowns, well everything about him is awesome but his space mullet.  The battles are epic.  Watching Mace decapitate Jango was pretty dope.  Yoda wielding a light saber was good as well.  When it comes to Sith the first 20 minutes or so on Grievous ship saving the Chancellor, is solid.  It is actually what Menace should have been all about: two friends riffing off each other, acting like they were brothers and kicking a lot of ass along the way.    While I still have some gripes about how easily Doku always handled Obi-wan, overall that part of the movie was well done.  Then you have a huge dump in the middle of the movie and then finally we get to Darth Vader killing younglings and force choking his wife and then we have two of the most epic lightsaber battles of all time, and then the worst birthing scene of all time and fade to black and we survived the Prequels. 

I finally admitted to myself this last week, which I hate the prequel trilogy.  I know this is blasphemy from someone who claims to be a loyal Star Wars fan but man it was just an abortion gone wrong.  I firmly believe Disney should hire me right this minute to come in and fix the prequels.  I would still cast Ewan McGregor in the roll of Obi-wan but everyone else has to go.  Well ok we can Frank Oz, Ian McDiarmid, and of course James Earl Jones but everyone else gone.  I guess if we had to we could ask Natalie Portman to come to the set so I could make a pass at her, but only for that reason. 

I would leave Qui-Gon out of the mix other than to sit on the Jedi Council.  We would meet Obi-wan defying the council and taking on a Anakin as his padawan and the go on some great space adventure, where they have to save the Galaxy from certain doom, along the way they meet a princess from Alderaan, and her and Anakin hit it off.  But it is very casually worked in like the Han and Leia love affair.  It wouldn’t be in your face, trying to spout off cheesy lines about sand, or aggressive negotiations, and if by chance they would be in an arena and he was riding a strange looking beast, and she happened to jump off a poll and land with the beast in between her legs she certainly would think or shit I got a spike in my crotch and not give Anakin a kiss on the cheek.   Seriously, you are being shot at by battle droids, riding and animal, and you just landed hard on the back on this thing, how is she thinking oh I love this man, I will give him a peck.  Basically the entire first movie would be the clone wars cartoon, plus the first battle of revenge of the sith.  You would love the tag team of Obi and Ani.  You would be jealous b/c you and your best friend aren’t as close as they are. 

Anyway.  That would be the first movie.  The second movie would be Anikan’s quest for power leading him to take a hit of the dark side, and you know what he liked it and he got hooked.  When he does this he teams up with the Sidious who happens to have this grand plan to ride the galaxy of the Jedi.  We would see the beginning of the Jedi purge or order 66 in this movie, and most importantly we would definitely see the Mustafar scene at the end of Episode II.  Order 66 would be Darth Vader killing younglings and then going to Mustafar for Sith business where he runs into Obi-wan who is pissed about his turning to the dark side and Obi-wan has to delimb him.  This is actually very important to happen this way because right when Obi-wan is about to kill him by force blasting him into the lava, he senses the good left in Anikan and can’t do it.  We end the new episode II with Vader being put in the suit.

We pick up Episode III with Darth Vader hunting down Master Windu and in an epic battle Vader prevails.  How awesome would that be, start the movie off a lightsaber battle.  I like it.  Then we cut to Obi-wan and the Princess on the run.  Vader isn’t only hunting down the Jedi but is looking for his ex-girl whom he doesn’t know is knocked up with his kids.  Obi-wan keeps telling her that there is still good in him and they can turn him back to the good side.  They are hopeful and have to hatch a plan to trap Vader and try to turn him back together.  Anyway imagine a movie where Vader and Obi-wan play a game of cat and mouse across the galaxy.  Vader leaves a wake of dead Jedi behind him and as the bodies mount, Obi-wan become more desperate to turn Vader back.  THIs all ends with another epic battle where and equally matched Vader and Obi-wan fight to a draw.   In order for Vader to escape he force chokes the prince and launches her at Obi-wan and makes her go into early labor and die.  Obi-wan gives up hope and hides the children, and goes into exile, with a huge bag of weed, and spends the next 40 years stoned out of his mind, soaking up sun, and making on desert chicks.  He might even feel  a little exotic and go for a sandperson chick but I can’t confirm that. 

I do have to admit, I am not super excited about the Last Jedi though.  I mean I can’t wait to see it, but we know so little about it, it is hard to get to excited.  Plus, with Thanos on the loose and the Infinity War lurking in the distance mid next year, my loyalties are divided.  I think I am more excited about watching the avengers die than I am this Episode.  That might change after my early viewing but right now that is how I feel.  Plus, what if Disney does by Fox and the x-men can finally get in the mix with avengers, look out the possibilities are endless.  Plus finding out that I have to wait until 2019 to see how Game of Thrones ends, I got a lot of fantasy shit on this mind.  Although to all those people who just watch the GOT TV show and never had to wait for the next book, I say suck!  Wait till 2019, now you know how us book readers feel. 

Anyway I am watching Jedi tonight.  I saw it 12 times in the theaters.  It remains my most viewed movie in the theater by probably 10.  I remember crying in Jedi afraid Luke would die or go bad.  I was 8 so suck it.  Star Wars was my life.  I remember playing Jedi every day that summer with my younger brother.  Bobby only played it with us once and was an annoying Ewok.  Hmmm….  I remember the line at town south plaza being ridiculously long.  It was May when we saw it and it was close to the Indy 500.  Fuck I can one up that I remember seeing the trailer in the theaters before another movie and luck had black on and I thought he was borrowing Han’s jacket from Empire. 

Oh well…