Return of the Blogger…
Tonight is Jedi, it has been a four weekend process but
tonight and tomorrow night I finish the legendary space opera know as Stars
Wars. My viewing pattern was a little
different this time. I started with
Rogue One (which I love), then went on to Star Wars proper, and then to
Empire. At that point I did a flash back
to the prequel trilogy and at the same time I started watching the Clone Wars
cartoon (two days in bed with a stomach bug helped greatly with that
cartoon).
There are some good things in the prequel trilogy. Qui-Gon Jinn was one of those things. Ewan McGregor was another one; man really
does bring Obi-wan to life. The dual of
fates at the end of Menace complete with the blood splattering up when Obi-wan
cuts Maul in half. It is hard for me to
find a lot of positives in Attack of the Clones. I actually dreaded last week’s viewing of
this and Sith. IT felt more like an obligation to watch than
a viewing pleasure. As a dedicated fan I
sat down and I did my duty. Obi-wan is
awesome in Clones, which I can’t help but call Clowns, well everything about
him is awesome but his space mullet. The
battles are epic. Watching Mace decapitate
Jango was pretty dope. Yoda wielding a
light saber was good as well. When it
comes to Sith the first 20 minutes or so on Grievous ship saving the
Chancellor, is solid. It is actually what
Menace should have been all about: two friends riffing off each other, acting
like they were brothers and kicking a lot of ass along the way. While I
still have some gripes about how easily Doku always handled Obi-wan, overall
that part of the movie was well done. Then
you have a huge dump in the middle of the movie and then finally we get to
Darth Vader killing younglings and force choking his wife and then we have two
of the most epic lightsaber battles of all time, and then the worst birthing
scene of all time and fade to black and we survived the Prequels.
I finally admitted to myself this last week, which I hate
the prequel trilogy. I know this is blasphemy
from someone who claims to be a loyal Star Wars fan but man it was just an
abortion gone wrong. I firmly believe
Disney should hire me right this minute to come in and fix the prequels. I would still cast Ewan McGregor in the roll
of Obi-wan but everyone else has to go.
Well ok we can Frank Oz, Ian McDiarmid, and of course James Earl Jones
but everyone else gone. I guess if we
had to we could ask Natalie Portman to come to the set so I could make a pass
at her, but only for that reason.
I would leave Qui-Gon out of the mix other than to sit on
the Jedi Council. We would meet Obi-wan
defying the council and taking on a Anakin as his padawan and the go on some
great space adventure, where they have to save the Galaxy from certain doom,
along the way they meet a princess from Alderaan, and her and Anakin hit it
off. But it is very casually worked in
like the Han and Leia love affair. It
wouldn’t be in your face, trying to spout off cheesy lines about sand, or aggressive
negotiations, and if by chance they would be in an arena and he was riding a
strange looking beast, and she happened to jump off a poll and land with the
beast in between her legs she certainly would think or shit I got a spike in my
crotch and not give Anakin a kiss on the cheek.
Seriously, you are being shot at
by battle droids, riding and animal, and you just landed hard on the back on
this thing, how is she thinking oh I love this man, I will give him a
peck. Basically the entire first movie
would be the clone wars cartoon, plus the first battle of revenge of the
sith. You would love the tag team of Obi
and Ani. You would be jealous b/c you
and your best friend aren’t as close as they are.
Anyway. That would be
the first movie. The second movie would
be Anikan’s quest for power leading him to take a hit of the dark side, and you
know what he liked it and he got hooked.
When he does this he teams up with the Sidious who happens to have this
grand plan to ride the galaxy of the Jedi.
We would see the beginning of the Jedi purge or order 66 in this movie,
and most importantly we would definitely see the Mustafar scene at the end of
Episode II. Order 66 would be Darth
Vader killing younglings and then going to Mustafar for Sith business where he
runs into Obi-wan who is pissed about his turning to the dark side and Obi-wan
has to delimb him. This is actually very
important to happen this way because right when Obi-wan is about to kill him by
force blasting him into the lava, he senses the good left in Anikan and can’t
do it. We end the new episode II with
Vader being put in the suit.
We pick up Episode III with Darth Vader hunting down Master
Windu and in an epic battle Vader prevails.
How awesome would that be, start the movie off a lightsaber battle. I like it.
Then we cut to Obi-wan and the Princess on the run. Vader isn’t only hunting down the Jedi but is
looking for his ex-girl whom he doesn’t know is knocked up with his kids. Obi-wan keeps telling her that there is still
good in him and they can turn him back to the good side. They are hopeful and have to hatch a plan to
trap Vader and try to turn him back together.
Anyway imagine a movie where Vader and Obi-wan play a game of cat and
mouse across the galaxy. Vader leaves a
wake of dead Jedi behind him and as the bodies mount, Obi-wan become more desperate
to turn Vader back. THIs all ends with
another epic battle where and equally matched Vader and Obi-wan fight to a
draw. In order for Vader to escape he force chokes
the prince and launches her at Obi-wan and makes her go into early labor and
die. Obi-wan gives up hope and hides the
children, and goes into exile, with a huge bag of weed, and spends the next 40
years stoned out of his mind, soaking up sun, and making on desert chicks. He might even feel a little exotic and go for a sandperson chick
but I can’t confirm that.
I do have to admit, I am not super excited about the Last
Jedi though. I mean I can’t wait to see
it, but we know so little about it, it is hard to get to excited. Plus, with Thanos on the loose and the
Infinity War lurking in the distance mid next year, my loyalties are
divided. I think I am more excited about
watching the avengers die than I am this Episode. That might change after my early viewing but
right now that is how I feel. Plus, what
if Disney does by Fox and the x-men can finally get in the mix with avengers,
look out the possibilities are endless.
Plus finding out that I have to wait until 2019 to see how Game of
Thrones ends, I got a lot of fantasy shit on this mind. Although to all those people who just watch
the GOT TV show and never had to wait for the next book, I say suck! Wait till 2019, now you know how us book
readers feel.
Anyway I am watching Jedi tonight. I saw it 12 times in the theaters. It remains my most viewed movie in the
theater by probably 10. I remember
crying in Jedi afraid Luke would die or go bad.
I was 8 so suck it. Star Wars was
my life. I remember playing Jedi every
day that summer with my younger brother.
Bobby only played it with us once and was an annoying Ewok. Hmmm….
I remember the line at town south plaza being ridiculously long. It was May when we saw it and it was close to
the Indy 500. Fuck I can one up that I remember
seeing the trailer in the theaters before another movie and luck had black on
and I thought he was borrowing Han’s jacket from Empire.
Oh well…