How do you want to be seen by me (life coach)? How do you want to be seen by women?

How do you want to be seen by me (life coach)? How do you want to be seen by women?

I think after writing yesterday's blog and seeing all the support I got from those whom I love and those who love me I sort of realized that what needs to change is how I see me. However I'm going to see the assignment through to the end and answer each part of it. 

I can't own what other people do and don't see. That shouldn’t be something I take responsibility for. All I can do is put the best me out there that I can and if I love and am happy with myself who cares what others think.

However, when asked how do I want to be seen my life coach, now that is a question that I can answer.  I want to be seen as someone who is trying to get this right. I want be someone who is seen as an eager and for lack of a better word here hungry for knowledge to learn about himself and how to put the best Billy b out there that I can possibly can.  I want to be to be seen as someone who continues to try and when he falls he gets back up.  He always gets back up. I want to be a sign of strength because if nothing else I will never, ever, quit.  I want to been see as a good student but also one who challenges his teachers limits and knowledge with his own ideas and thoughts.  I want to be seen as 100% honest.  I want to be seen as intelligent, smart funny, likeable, and cool.   Mostly, I want to be his biggest success story ever!  I want to be the horse he bet on and be the crown jewel of his accomplishments.  I want him to be able to build a bigger, more successful business around me by using the inspiration he gave me, to do something truly wonderful for myself.  I am close, so very close to being where I want to be.  I make choices every day that push me a little closer to my destiny.  My future is big and bright and I am on the path.

How do I want to be seen by women?

I want to be seen as dead sexy! I got a living and loving to do before I do.  I have to make up for the last 10 to 15 years of few dates after all.  So I have to be hot.  I have to be ripped, tone, and look get in a speedo.  I want them to see as having si ………………..

Ok, so I am trying to make a little bit of a joke here.  I want women to see the one thing I have always wanted them to see but I feel like I could never show them and that is as a good man, with a big heart, that would give anything for anyone.  After reading the comments yesterday to my blog, I think people probably already see that. 

Sure, I think if I was skinnier I would probably have a girlfriend, or three :D  However, the truth is that might not be true at all, because if when I think of myself and the first thing I think of is fat, lazy, etc… and I am not giving myself the love and attention that I need.  Then how would or could someone else ever want to be with me. 

I am a very needy man.  For someone as successful as I am, I am so insecure.  I don’t believe in myself the way I should or deserve to.  Do you know I am a CPA who got my CPA license while working 10 hour days and then studying at night after that?  That is pretty damn impressive.  I know that about myself but I give myself no black in the ledger for it.  I am an endurance athlete 18 times over.  You think I give myself any love or props for that?  I don’t.  I should.  The list can go on and on.  The point is often I look to others for approval in myself.  Hell part of the reason this blog was started was to try and show someone I was really willing to change my life for them.  I wonder if she ever knew that, it was all for her.  It doesn’t matter.  That woman taught me a very valuable lesson that I can and do deserve to be loved.  I know I was a needy as mf’er with her, who felt insecure and hopeless when I wasn’t right next to her.  I acted the fool.  Anyway, again not really the point and there are other stories in my life when I have looked to others to accept me when there is no way in the world I can accept myself.  After I dreamed up a story about it, it was called “The Truth About Suzy”.  The thing about Suzy is that it was never about Suzy, it was about me, needing to see the man I am, and stop hiding from it.  To take ownership of it, live the life set before me.  Not always wishing there was more to it or that some big “Aha” moment and I would just change.  I have known the truth about Suzy for over 15 years yet I have never learned.  It goes back to yesterday’s message that I need to see past the fat and the insecurity and see what others see.  That notes I got yesterday were amazing!  I was so happy to be me yesterday!  I know that I was needy, and can be, but I also know I can be amazing and mean so much more, and I just have to reach out there and take the plunge.  That I control how this story goes and there will be no “Aha” Moment, there will just be the building of a believe system that makes me stronger and stronger and with each blog I grow and become stronger.  Each week with my life coach I become better.   I know I don’t have to become better, but I want to be better.

I think the one truth here is that I want women to seem me as smart, strong, confident, and big hearted.  However, I have to see myself that way first before anyone else can.  I need to start taking stock in all the things I have accomplished and want to accomplish.  Then I can continue to be this smart, strong, confident and big hearted man that I want others to see in me.   

A note about my health because several people brought it up yesterday in comments.  I too worry about it greatly because I want to be here for a long time to come.  I work with my cardiologist every two months and we monitor my BP very carefully as well as my AFIB and things right now seem to be going really well.  He even tells me if I can lose weight I will probably come out of AFIB all together and that my friends’ is something to be happy about and excited to work towards.  Now in typical Billy b fashion I took this to mean I can eat whatever I wanted for a few weeks and I might have gone the wrong way on the scale.  However, to let you know that little outburst is behind me and now we are full steam ahead!