what is left

It has been a long time since I have sat down to write anything.  The motivation has been little to none.  Sometimes there is just nothing to say.  So when I was given an assignment from my life coach to write an essay about why I am powerful, capable, and a valuable man.  The inspiration could come from anywhere achievements, natural abilities, learned skills, characteristic traits or so on and so forth. I found myself thinking wow this will be easy. I have already done this before, I can always just go look at the blog and pull from there.  However, I wonder, if I did that would I miss actually learning something or the point of the experiment anyway?  So, I said ok, I won’t cheat; I have been cheating and taking the easy way out for as long as I can remember when it comes to finding my path and getting my health in check.  Now I am sitting here staring at my screen trying to figure out something to type. 

My Mind:  My mind has long been a both a friend and enemy to me.  However, when I think about what I like about myself and what makes me who I am.  What gives me the ability to stand up and be the person I am today, it all comes back to my mind.  I have a beautiful mind.  The worlds I have created in my imagination are beyond believe, the beauty, the pain, the expanse is great and varied.  I am proud of my creativity.  For a long time I thought it was burden and at times it has been.  For when one accepts the powerful possibilities of the mind one has to take both the good and the bad with it.  However, the same mind that thrust me into depression, darkness, and obsessiveness, is the same mind that leads me out on the other side back to the light. 

Loyalty:  When in the rare case I find something or someone to believe in, I go all in, and I don’t know any other way to do it or to be a friend.  I am like a dog when it comes to loyalty.  Touch me and show me kindness and I will forever have your back.  My best friends know this to be true.  They know that I would go to the very pits of hell for them and they will do the same for me.  So if might be a boss, it might be a friend, co-worker, family, it doesn’t matter my loyalty is absolute.  I often liken my loyalty to the scene at the end of the Fellowship of the Ring, where Aragorn goes to his knees and folds the one ring into Frodo’s and says “I would have gone with you to the end, into the very fires of Mordor.”  I like knowing that when push comes to shove I am someone that the people I love know they can count on.

Giving:  I believe in friendship and life you have to share and give.  There is not point to hold onto everything you have.  You can’t take any of it with you.  So be kind to others and share and give.  Whether it is charity, gifts for friends, or time I am always willing to give for something I believe in.

Work Ethic:  I work hard.   I know I do.  I roll up my sleeves and get the business of the day done.  I do what I have to do to complete my job.  I go above and beyond, and I always have since I started working.  People know they can count on me to get the job done.

Promotion:  Recently I was promoted to VP.  I couldn’t be prouder of myself. I worked so hard to get there.  I stuck it out and accomplished a huge goal of mine.  I never thought when I was passed over for my first promotion or when I was let go from a company after a  couple months b/c they said I was doing a good enough job that I would ever end up being a Vice President.  However, b/c of my work ethic, loyalty, and giving I was able to achieve this goal.  I am very proud of what I have done.  I am proud of the team I have built.  They are the best of the best and I am proud of them. 

Good Daddy: I probably will never have children, but I did get a puppy in December and I am very content with the job and the love I give my little girl Kona.  I worried I would forget things like vet appointments, and medications, but I have not.  I am very good to her.  I give her a great life and she gives me back more than I could ever imagine.  She is my beautiful perfect little puppy. 

Half Marathoner:  I am the walker of halves. I have done 12 half marathons since 2005.  I wanted to find a way to make walking my exercise of choice and I did. I found Team in Training in 2005 and I started walking. I remember my sister telling me on the phone that a ½ marathon was a long way to go and that it was a lot of money to raise, but I was dedicated and I believed I could do it.  I did, and walking became my life. I quested to get better at it and I did. I Pr’ed in back to back half marathons and it was a feeling and a high I can’t really explain.  My biggest goal right now and dream is to get back out there and race again.  I am hobble and current fast is next to nothing but I will race again. 

Triathlete: In 2008 I became a triathlete.  I never thought I would ever do a triathlon.  More so I never thought I would fall in love with the game of Tri but I did.  It had me from the time I first watched one.  I went from someone who watched to someone who did them.  I was so proud the first time I finished and I was even prouder when a few years later I did an Olympic distance on Saturday and a Sprint on Sunday.  My dreams have visions of triathlons in them, I know as I learn to take care of myself I will race again.  I am swimming now and swimming will lead to walking and both of those will lead to biking and the game of Tri will be mine.  However, I am a triathlete and no one can ever take that away from me. 

Listener:  People want to confide in me.  I don’t know why other than I am a good listener.  That I hear what they say.  I give the good feedback and I try to help them.  I try to find the best in each situation they present to me and I give them good and honest advice.

Writer:  The coolest day of my life was when Sara (a friend) introduced me to her sister a writer.  I love to write.  It is my dream to write something people want to read and through my blog and various other things I have written I have been able to entertain people and make them laugh.  Make them feel my emotion through a story and through my words.  I am amazing at conveying emotion through words.  It is my gift.

Sense of Humor:  I am fucking hilarious.  My sense of humor is very dry, a little dark, and very self-deprecating.  I believe if you can laugh at yourself then you can laugh in the face of anything.  I love to make people laugh.  I think one in every 10 of my jokes actually land. I am a shit talking, smart ass, that lover good banter and is always looking to drop the greatest one line of them all.

Leader: I have always thought of myself as a leader.  I always saw myself that way.  Then something happened and I lost my way. However, after the last year looking at the team I have built I know I am a natural leader and that I can inspire people.      

Empathy:  I feel what others feel and I have great compassion for them.  I tend to show people extreme care and understanding.  I transfer this into my work which helps me be a leader.  People see it feel and know they can count on me. I challenge people to bring the best out in them.   I have a deep love and respect for others and I want to help them through their feelings.