Star Wars Top 10

So, to some extent every day of the last 32 years some part of my mind was has been bent on this one question, what happened after the fall of the Empire?  Did look get him a nice women and did he ever admit to her he made out with his sister?  Did Han and Leia get married?  Did Lando end up having a heroin problem, look I heard gas minors loved there sweet lady H, is it the rock star life, who else rolls around in a cape?  Did Chewie find him a dime piece or did he get freaky and get him a Ewok, remember in Jedi when they were in the AT-ST and the one was rubbing his fur down.  Tonight, I will get answers?

Was it not in my own backyard that I merged GI Joe, Star Wars, and my own daily fantasies together to create what I thought was the next generation of Star Wars.  Was it not in my back yard where I created Space Station Delta a hybrid Death Star and Super Star Destroyer?  Did I not create Eros the great leader of the High Council as a Lightsaber wielding bad ass who was wise as master Yoda, but looked more like a young Luke?  Have I not built an entire mythology of the basis of the vast reaches of Space thanks to Star Wars?  Now this has also been influenced now by X-files, Game of Thrones, The Dark Tower, and Lord of the Rings.  However, the basis has always been from a Galaxy Far Far Away.  

One way or another I will have answers in 13.5 hours…

Anyway to celebrate today, I have decided put together my Top 10 Favorite moments from a Galaxy Far Far Away….

By the way this is harder than I thought.... 

honorable mention:  Let the Wookie Win!; Leia tells Han that Luke is her brother; every lightsaber battle but those are battles so I won't put those here; Where is Boba Fett, and it's all Clear Kid.

Here we go...

10.  Same as always...

It is the moment Luke has just foiled Jabba's plans.  Solo and the Wookie are being brought out of the dungeons and then it goes like this...

Han Solo: Together again, huh?

Luke: Wouldn't miss it.

Han Solo: How we doin'?

Luke: Same as always.

Han Solo: That bad, huh?

To me this classic Star Wars, it shows the friendship and the trials these two have been on together.  See comments at Number 9.

9.  Anakin and Obi-Wan at the beginning of Sith

The interplay between Anakin and Obi-Wan at the beginning of Sith is what I believe all of Episode II should have been. It was the only time I really felt these two guys were friends and they enjoyed each other.  I think the Clone Wars cartoons always captures this.  This made me think of Han and Luke and a friendship that had one trial after another making them brothers in arms.  That is how I felt about Ani and Obi on Grievous's ship.  Clones would have been a great movie had this been captured there.   We didn't need a shitty love story, we didn't need a complex plot, we needed to see Anakin and Obi-wan have the relationship foreshadowed in the original trilogy.  That would have made Sith all the harder to swallow.  That would have made you want to cry at Anakin's betrayal not happy b/c maybe now he wouldn't wine like a bitcht!

8.  Luke using the force to escape the Wampa Cave

It really was the first time we saw the force being used to move objects.  It was like what the fuck, did he just do, use his mind to move something.  It was a trip.  I can't tell you how many days as a child I was outside hanging upside pretending that a light-saber was coming to me.


7.  Space ghost!!!

Seriously, he can move shit w/ his mind and see ghosts, what!!! that is crazy shit!!!!  Crazy I say!!!! It was great to see Obi-wan again and see him help look to become the bad ass he was who brought balance to the force.  But I was like a ghost, really?

6.  Yoda throws his light-saber

It was a subtle scene in Sith when Yoda and Obi-wan are fighting there way into the Jedi Temple and Yoda fucking throws his light-saber thru a clone trooper.  It was like damn that shit was cool.   It was one of the tings that made the force, light-sabers, and Star Wars so fucking cool!  Nice pitch Master Yoda!

5.  Vader in Empire after the Falcon jumps into hyper-space 

It is one of the moments like #6 that if you aren't watching, I mean really watching, you don't really notice.  However, he is looking out the window getting ready to watch the Falcon being pulled into his command ship, when the force says, Vader, you, you are not good, the whiffffff, and R2 fixes the hyper-drive and the ship takes off... To me it is the Vader double take that makes it such a classic scene.  He looks, back, then back out, and you know he is thinking OMFG, the Emperor is not gonna be happy about this, and also the reaction of the crew, they were probably all assuming force chokes for everyone.  However, I think Vader had been softened by look this time, no not really, I think he knew that the force has a will of its own and sometimes shit just happens.  WE have a word for that around here it is called KA.

4.  Needa

Darth Vader: Apology accepted, Captain Needa.

To me is it the crowning moment of Vader's bad-ass-dome... He is a ruthless villain and we should hate him.   IT is a scene I reply a lot in my head.  It is just so perfectly bad-ass and it is just well, it is just so Vader!

3.  Luke gives the Emperor the Mutumbo!

This picture was classic, had to use it!  Even thought it is wrong, but come on! 

I have said this before, I was in theater I was 7, I was scared Luke was going to go Dark Side.  Vader was picking on him, just like the Emperor, and needling him to go bad.  I was thinking maybe he will.  I fought tears back.  I don't recall if I cried or not, I probably did, i just remember being so upset.  then he goes nutz and I am like we are going to loose him.  I am not sure I can tell you how much I loved Luke then.  I wanted my name changed to Luke remember.  And then he did it, he beat Vader, and he turned and told the Emperor, thanks dick, but not thank!  Now the force lighting that followed and the huge change of fates by Anakin also helped a lot for my hero to survive.  However, the Jedi one that day and truly did return!

2. The De-limbing

Obi-Wan: You were the chosen one! It was said that you would destroy the Sith, not join them. You were to bring balance to the force, not leave it in darkness.

Anakin Skywalker: [shouts] I hate you.

Obi-Wan: You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you.

This is a scene that I had waited for 26 years!  I remember someone telling me that Obi-wan beat Vader's ass and kicked him into a volcano.   This is also the only time I cheered out loud in a Star Wars Movie.  The battle between Obi-wan and Anakin almost, almost made the pain of the original 3 movies worth it.  I mean you start with seeing the only force choke in the prequels and that is Anakin choking out his wife, then you end it with when I cheered out loud, when Obi-wan De-limbed Anakin!I cheered I was so happy.   I was sure with Lucas's love for Anakin that he would have Obi-wan's victory over the sith be a fluke, but it was not, it was a beat down and awesome and I loved it!!!  Then when he caught fire, I almost pee'd myself... It was vintage bad ass and Star Wars at its almost best!!!! I loved it!  

1.  The biggest mind fuck for a kid in a movie ever!!!!

No. *I* am your father

To this day, some part of my rational mind still rejects this notion.  that the evilest dude ever, could be Luke's dad.  What a total mind fuck!  I was stunned and in disbelief until Yoda confirmed it in Jedi.  James Earl Jones didn't even believe it, there is a quote somewhere of him saying it is a lie.  I can't find it but still.

I think in my world this is the greatest plot twist in history.  One I never saw coming, again I was like 5 or 6 but still... couldn't and wouldn't believe it.  

However, it is the one thing the makes Empire the greatest of the movies to date.  It was just totally awesome and i get chills each time I watch.  

So there it is my Star Wars Top 10...  who knows in 12 hours and 15 minutes I might even have some new ones =)

May the Force be with you!!! always!!!!

Twas the night before Star Wars

'Twas the night before Star Wars, when all through the house

not a creature was Sith-ing, not even the mouse.

The Jedi Robes were hung by the chimney with care,

in hopes that The Force Awakens soon would be there.

The fat man will be nestled all snug in his beds,

while visions of light sabers danced in his head.

And Shiner in her 'kerchief, and I in my Boba Fett Mask,

had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap.

When out on the back porch there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the backdoor I flew like a flash,

tore open the slider, and see how I had to bash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

gave the lustre of midday to objects below,

when, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

but a Red Light Saber, and Darth Vader, and I muttered Oh Dear!

I ran to my closet, so lively and quick,

Because I knew in a moment I would be fighting that Dick.

Out in the living I did go,

So me and the dark lord could go blow 2 blow.

I ignited my saber so blue it did glow,

But I was still hoping he would fall in the snow. 

Hwooooooo Haaaa....Hwooooooo Haaaa, he breathed in a Rasp,

I know I would have to give my saber a good and hard grasp.

Out his saber came it and it was all red,

I knew if I didn’t fight I would be dead.

Before our blades crossed I did hear him say

I didn’t come here to fight on this day.

I wondered how I was mistaken.

Then He told he just hear to watch the Force Awakens. 

Get out of the car Bill

“Get out of the car Bill!” it is a scream coming from the dark places of your mind. You know it a serious to because you are referring to yourself by Bill not Billy b. 

“Get out of the car Bill!”

You hang up the phone, the news is bad, and the news is always bad anymore.  You promised you wouldn’t let it affect you.  How can it not.  The whole world is going to shit and you have always been the one with empathy.  You’ve always felt is more than everyone else. 

“Get out of the car Bill!”

The light goes out in the garage and you sit in the dark with the only light radiating from the dash board.  The garage door is open and you can see into the night in your rearview mirror.  Your hands are at ten and two, you are ready, ready to go back into the night.

“Get out of the car Bill!”

You promised yourself you wouldn’t.  You promised the person on the other end of the phone you wouldn’t. You wouldn’t go into the night, you wouldn’t go back out and that you wouldn’t go the driver thru again.

“Get out of the car Bill!”

You sit there though.  In the dark and the old familiar battle wages itself.  You tell yourself you can always start again tomorrow.  Tomorrow is a new day and this will be the last trip. This will be the last time you tell people you are going home and you end up in the drive thru.  How many last times have there been?  There have been way too many to count.  There just has been so many “this is the last time”. 

“Get out of the car Bill!”

You stare at the ceiling of the car.  The old battle wages on and on, like it has every day for as long as you can remember.  All you see is the darkness around you.  It is dark, so very dark.  

“Get out of the car Bill!”

What is the point?  You can’t change things.  Does it really matter if I go or stay?

“Get out of the car Bill!”

You can’t change anything.  All you can do is live in your present moment and do what is best for you.  One last time, then, and tomorrow we will start fresh, just one more fix, just one more trip, I just need one more.  

“Get out of the car Bill!”

There is nothing down that road for you.  What did you say was the difference between you and other addicts?  No matter what they are an addict of?  That you wanted to get better?  If you wanted to get better than act like you want to get better.  Do something to make you better.  Don’t allow this to sink your ship, because you are on the rise.  Let the rest fall, but do what you need to do for you?  You have come out above all this; you have done all you can do.  You can’t change the world.  It isn’t your job to change the world. The world is not yours to change.  Only your reality can you impact.

“Get out of the car Bill!”

There is nothing in that drive thru for you.  You have been down that path.  You know that only thing that will come is the shaming.  How are you going to focus on your positive mental attitude if all you do is shame yourself?  You can’t.  You have Chili inside, and you know it is good chili, b/c you make the good stuff.  Eat that.  Hell go in and eat that and make some tots.  Whatever you do, don’t go back into the night.  Don’t continue to drift.  You are better than that.  You have to be.  You can live your life.  By your rules and it can be a happy and good life, even if the world is falling to shit all around you.  What matters is your reality and what you make of it.  

“Get out of the car Bill!”

Far too long have you allowed the world hold your leash.  Let others dictate who you are and who you are supposed to be.  Living up to the expectation which is less than what you can be.  You can’t change the world.  You just can’t.  It wasn’t ever fair of you to think you could or should.  It will be what it is.  

“Get out of the car Bill!”

Wake up.  I know it is dark, but things are always darkest before they become light.  Remember your code of honor.  Remember there is no love in a double QPC, there is no love in a French fry.  You chili is good.  Tator tots in the house are better than filling yourself with garbage from M’s. 

“Get out of the fucking car Bill!”

  My right hand moves to the gear shift.  It wraps around it.  It flexes once, twice, it pulls the button, it releases it.  There really is nothing down that path.

“Get out of the fucking car Bill!”

I look down into the darkness.  I let out a breath of air. Then it happens quickly.  I reach again with my right hand, knowing all hope is lost.  And…

“Get out of the fucking car Bill!”

I push the blue button and I hear the familiar powering down of my car.  It sounds like a space ship turning of.  I sit there, but not for long and I get out of the car.  A victory was won on this night.  I ate over my calories.  1800 is to low and maybe I didn’t need a half order of homemade tots, but it was better than the alternative.   I had a 700 calories meal rather a 700 calorie sandwich, and all the add-ons, which would put me around 2200 calories after all the fries and soda, and sauce.  So, we won last night.  And today is a new day.  We started with a good breakfast from Whole Foods, getting ready for a little lunch now and maybe a walk this afternoon.   I won’t out own the worlds shit.  All I can do is own my shit.   

And all I can do is keep making better decisions each and every day.  

And, after all I DID GET OUT OF THE CAR

+1 for Billy b

in the fog

Is this what it is like after a drunk wakes up on a bender?  The disorientation, the pain in your head, the sick taste in your mouth that makes you wants to vomit?  You get up, and you stumble out of bed.  You can’t say you walk to the bath room, because it isn’t really a walk.  It is more of a shuffle.  Your right foot seems to be working correctly but your left foot doesn’t want to cooperate with you.  You are walking on the outside of that foot.  Again if you can call it walking, because you really aren’t picking it up and setting it down, you really are more pulling it along with you?  You crack a smile although it is a weak one and you say to the emptiness all around you “I must look like the fattest walker of all time.”  Because isn’t your migration towards the bathroom really just a fat man doing his version of the zombie shuffle.  How many times have you been walking along since you started watching the Walking Dead and said, sometimes I feel like I move like those things move.  Slow, jerky movements, that seems to be more effort than they are worth.  

You piss, because after all that was the goal of this little shuffle was to make it to the bathroom wasn’t it.  Then you turn around and debate about calling in sick to work this Monday or continuing your zombie shuffle to the kitchen to turn on the Kcup machine.  It isn’t a long debate.  You have to go, no, you want to go, need to go.  So, you open the bedroom door and you shuffle on.  You glance into the mirrors of the hallway and you see your girth pass by.  You don’t look long; you don’t want to see it.  

You turn the corner and walk into the living room and you are greeted by what is lying on the table.  One pint of Ben and Jerry’s empty.  Three small containers of that used to include Nestle Dibs.  It’s all gone.  Every bite of it, consumed, by me and the truth is I don’t even know why.  

That isn’t the only graveyard; I could walk by in my house either.  I have bodies hidden everywhere, like   In the bottom of my recycling bin, hidden so the world can’t see it.  However, I know it is there.  It contains two bags from McDonald’s, no three.  It contains a box from pizza hut and trash from the bagel shop too.  It doesn’t belong there, just like the empty soda cups don’t belong there, or this latest addition of ice cream containers but it will go there because no one will ever look there.  No one would ever see my shame.  

But they do see my shame.  It is carried with me everywhere I go.  It is the fat the clings to my body.  That slows me down.  That makes me hate to look into the mirror.  

How much further can we fall?  What was so different between now and then? A year ago, when I felt like I was in control of my life and the world was mine.  Why could I then and I can’t now?  Why did I believe then and don’t believe now.

Could it be possible that I am worse off now than I was a year ago?  Is it possible that? What in God’s name have I done?  A year ago I was all pumped about making Ribs, my Mom’s birthday, and a pot roast.  This year, I am like.  Oh well, whatever. 

I don’t know. I feel lost.  Even spending the day cooking yesterday, I still feel lost.  I feel like hope is fleeting.  I feel like no matter what I always end up back in one place and that is failing. 

The haze never lifted today and sitting here at this time of writing, I still feel like I did when I woke up today.  Just a little out of it and like there is just something wrong.  With me?  With the world?  With what, I can’t put my finger on.  I don’t know.

All I know is through two meals today, I am on track.  No process sugar.  That is a big step in the right direction.  I will try to stay off the binge.  I will talk to Sue about it this week.  I actually know some of the shit that bothers me, but somehow can’t find myself to admit it here.  

What I need to do is pull my shit together.  Remember, that I deserve a good life.  I deserve to be happy.  I can have everything I want; I just have to work for it.  I just need to work really hard right now reprograming my brain. I have to work really on getting back in the right frame of mind.  

I have to remember I deserve a better life.  My reality is what I make it.  I can change the way I think, but I have to work at it.  I have to be willing to take the extra step.  To make the effort.  Maybe, I need to take a que from those around me who smile more than they frown, who feel great about themselves every day, and keep shit into perspective.  

I know attitude is everything.  Now it is just time for me to get my back to where it needs to be.